Advent 2022 ~ Ponder

It has been several years since I wrote a daily advent devotional, and I decided to give it a go again this year. I write these mainly for myself, and if anyone else gets a thinking prompt or draws closer to God, that is just a plus.

Each year I choose a word of focus for the year. My word for 2022 is ponder. 

Definitions from Webster's 1828 Dictionary: To weigh in the mind; to consider and compare the circumstances or consequences of an event, or the importance of the reasons for or against a decision. To view with deliberation; to examine. 

A lot of thought goes into my process of choosing a word. I usually spend the week between Christmas and New Year's Day in the process of prayer, listening for various word possibilities, then examining my life to determine what I want to focus on in the coming year. I look at synonyms, I do word definition trees, and finally, in the silence between God and me, I decide on a word. When I was considering ponder I came up with this general statement: to search, to scrutinize, to explore, to discover the truth. To me, it was so much more than simply thinking!

Like for all of you, 2022 was a year of ups and downs, unexpected pleasures, and disappointments. All in all, just like any other - interesting. Looking back over 2022, I have been blessed with new and treasured friendships that I didn't expect (though I prayed for). I have taken a once-in-a-lifetime trip that was a total surprise. I have sat in hospital and emergency rooms with loved ones, wondering what was coming next, crying out to God for protection and healing. I have started a new educational journey, which was a giant leap! I turned 65 and joined the ranks of "old" people. My list could go on and on, and I pondered decisions and possible outcomes with each one.

As we enter the season of advent, waiting for the commemoration of Christ's birth I ponder what comes next. Just as Mary faced the unexpected and seemingly impossible I choose to go boldly ahead in the direction God has for me. It may be scary, and seem impossible, but if God says go, I will go! How will you approach the unknown? When God presents you with something unbelievable, will you go forward in faith and obedience? 

Today I am committing to going forward, even amid significant doubt and fear. Perfect love drives out fear, and I know God loves me perfectly, as He does you. I pray that you will join me in pondering what God has for us this advent season, and perhaps like Mary, we will experience unbelievable and magnificent gifts from God. 

Challenge: Ponder what you would like to hear from God this season. How will you respond to what you hear? 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT

Prayer: Lord, hear my voice as I cry out to you. Make the way clear as I ponder what you have for me. Soften my heart so that I am ready to go where you lead and discover the unimaginable wonders that you have for me. Help me love perfectly as you do and banish any fear that remains in my heart.  In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

*I will post these advent thoughts each day on my Facebook timeline. If you want to read them elsewhere, you can click the link on this blog post and receive them in your email. I will not send a separate email like I did in the past to not clutter up inboxes that may not want to receive them.

"I'm watching you......."

The members of my family use a phone tracking app called Life 360. My husband, daughter, son-in-law, granddaughters, and I all have this app installed on our phones. We first installed the app when we lived in cities a 4-hour drive apart and wanted to be able to see where we each were on long drives to each other's homes.  My daughter installed it on the girl's phones as a way to see where they were when away from home.  Since my husband doesn't drive anymore he feels connected to all of us when he is at home alone and can track us on the app. At first glance, it is a good idea and gives all of us peace of mind when we are apart.

Lately, I have been realizing that it is a source of anxiety for me. While I like being able to see where 'all my chicks' are, I also noticed that I drift into worry at times.  When my teen granddaughter is spending the night with a friend and my mind starts to go to places like "are the parents home? Is she safe?" If she forgets to charge her phone and I see that her battery is low I start to panic thinking that no one has landlines anymore, what if there is an emergency!? 

The app also only provides a partial picture. An example lately was when I was out and about and I got a text from my husband "Are you at Sam's Club?"  He knows I don't shop at Sam's, (I am a die-hard Costco girl!) but the app was showing that I was at Sam's.  In reality, I was at the women's shelter thrift store that is in the shopping center next to Sam's, but because the app recognized Sam's that is where it said I was. 

About two weeks ago a troubling new feature to the app popped up.  It is called bubbles.  My granddaughter was spending the night with a friend, and when I glanced at the app I saw that she was in a 'bubble'.  The bubble was designed to put an invisible shield around a 25-mile radius of the person's location.  She didn't even know that the app had applied the bubble to her location.  As admins of the account, the adults were able to remove that bubble, but I realized that one button setting could change the entire way the app was used. Our purpose in using the app is to give us peace of mind that our loved ones are safe, but just like in life, there are always ways to get around a system and hide our actions.

I have nothing to hide from my loved ones.  On the other hand, what if I am planning a surprise, I stop at a favorite store to get a treat and gather with others at a location for the surprise - I either turn my location off and cause anxiety for those watching, or I spoil the surprise because they are 'watching'. I watch maps of my family driving and wonder where they are going, who are they going to see, will they be safe? The anxiety grows, all because of a tool designed to provide peace of mind. I shudder to think if my parents had been watching my every movement as a young adult! If I question my adult child too much, soon she will turn the app off to avoid my questioning.

This morning I got thinking about God having the ultimate Life 360.  He sees it all. He not only knows all that we are doing but also what we think. He sees the interaction of all the world. I can't imagine what he must see when he looks at the direction we choose and the places we stop. He probably shakes His head sometimes and thinks "There is a better route, why don't you take it?"  or "Where are you going child, don't you know that is dangerous?"

Each of us chooses the path we walk and the stops we make along the way. Even though I feel the need sometimes to turn off my tracking app, I don't like being constantly watched, I also am very thankful that I have a God that never stops watching me.  He allows me to make choices, and sometimes I have to suffer the consequences of those choices. If I had listened more intently to Him perhaps some of the sufferings would have been avoided.  When I look at the paths my children and grandchildren take I often see there is a better way.  But just like God does with me, I have to allow them to make their own choices, and sometimes that means suffering consequences.  My desire is to spare them harm and pain, just as God wants to spare me from those things.  Yet the choice is always mine.

We will continue to use the tracking app, but I will do my best to see it only as a tool and not as a cause of worry. I must build trust, banish fear and always turn to God and believe that He is watching in all things and I pray that my family turns to Him as well. 

Proverbs 15:3 The Lord is watching everywhere; keeping his eye on both the evil and good. New Living Translation

 

I'm back!

I've not been gone; simply many life changes in the four years since I last posted an entry. Here are the highlights:

Both Waylon and I have fully retired from full-time work.

We sold our home in the country and moved across the state to settle in Montgomery, TX.

We have traveled the road of various health issues (Waylon), and I have moved into the realm of the "old" as I passed the 65 milestone.

We are closer to extended family, and our daughter and her family have also recently moved near us. God continues to bless us in ways beyond our imagination.

The most significant change for me was a decision that didn't come easily. I have always loved school and learning. I could be a perpetual student and love every minute of it. However, I decided to return to formal schooling a few months ago. I am enrolled in a degree plan for a Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling. I recently spoke at my Bible study group to about fifty women and used the examples of women who accomplished monumental things late in their lives. Some days I realize deeply that most of my life is behind me. Yet, on other days I am filled with the desire to keep growing and expanding my life in ways that may seem foolish to others. What will I do with a Master's degree at my age? What benefit will it be to others? I'm not pursuing it to accomplish any one thing. I'm simply following the prompting from God to do it!

The first-course submission was a challenge. My writing wasn't up to current guidelines. Did you know it is no longer standard to put two spaces after a period in writing? My typing instructions from the 1970s are all wrong. That was just one aspect of returning to school; others were time management, reading detailed texts, and sometimes questioning why I was doing this. The satisfaction of learning new things and expanding my knowledge of subjects is a wonderful benefit of being a student once again.

Yesterday I stopped by the local yarn shop to pick up some supplies for a contract knitting piece. As I was visiting with the ladies in the shop I made the comment "Why did I think going back to school at age 65 is a good idea?" One of them said to me "You would still be 65 if you didn't, so why not do something you love?" That is my challenge to you today - do what you love. Listen for God's prompting in your life and after prayerful consideration follow that prompting. 

In Bible study at Lone Star Cowboy Church ladies' ministry, we are delving into the book of Ecclesiastes. The third chapter is a well-known one, with a long list of seasons.  There is a time for everything, and though our lives change in circumstance, our ability to adapt through it all is a chance to explore what God may have in store for us. I may be having to relearn grammar rules, but the more important thing I'm learning is that God is not done with me yet! Every day is a new day to learn, grow, love, and serve Him. How will you do that?

Romans 12:2 Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. New Living Translation

 

It's not what you think - or is it?

Journeys are interesting! I have been reflecting on my life over the last year or so.  Actually, let's go back 45 years!  About that time I started my first outside the home paying job at the age of 16.  I worked at Sprouse Reitz five and dime store in my hometown of Jackson, CA.  That great store had been a favorite of mine when I was younger, located on Main St., I would walk there to get penny candy when I was spending time at my Dad's tire shop.  I knew I wanted to work there when I was old enough. At Sprouse Reitz I learned to measure fabric yardage through a runner to calculate the correct amount.  (I had been sewing since I was 9, so I knew the importance of a straight cut on the grain). 

I learned how to cut roller window blinds, measure out bulk candy, take inventory and walk those wooden floors checking that things had been put back in place properly.  I worked at that store all through high school summers and weekends, and even continued for a year after that as I attended trade school I still came home on weekends to put in time at the store. 

One of my favorite things was working the register, it looked much like this one:

I remember the wooden drawer, the 'ding' that the it would make when opening and of course how to properly count back change.  No computers in those days! My work life has been quite the winding road over these last 45 years. I pursued so many things, and all so different. Some would look at me and say "she has no career, she chases so many different things".  Here I am again, just starting a new job at the age of 61.  What I came to accept is that bills need to be paid! Things I thought I would do, or that I am trained to do don't always come together when living in a small town with limited opportunities.  Those that know me also know my 'loves' : ministering to people,  helping others, spending time with my family (especially the grand girls!) , knitting and of course Christmas. Yet who would have ever thought that all these years later, after my first job in retail, that I would  again be  working a cash register in a Christmas Store! 

As I worked a shift yesterday I realized many things.  When you work in a retail position it is all about helping people.  When it is in a Christmas Store (that also has wonderful holiday items for year round, gift items, collectibles and so much more) people just seem to be happy when they enter. Whether they are purchasing an extravagant hand made ornament, or a $2 trinket the customer loves a personal touch.  When I count back their change correctly or call them by name after reading their credit card, the personal touch often brings a  larger smile to their face.  Does my degree in administration, my certification as a Life Coach or my years of leadership schools and training make me over qualified to work a cash register or stock merchandise shelves?  No, quite the opposite!  All of my years at various professional endeavors has given me a wealth of information about people.  Do I still dream of my home business being successful so that I can travel and do some more things on my bucket list? Of course, but my purpose right now is being fulfilled.  I may not be seeing my granddaughters quite as often, or my house may not be as orderly as it was, but I can go to sleep at night knowing I'm working, I'm contributing, and perhaps making someone's day a little brighter when they have walked in to a store to purchase a fun item. 

In looking back I have worked at 4 or 5 different retail jobs scattered between other jobs of teaching, leading, mentoring and more. It's really all about the people. 

My favorite passage in Scripture is from Jeremiah. You will see this verse in many places, as people separate it out as a "life verse".   It has popped up in my life in many places, the most recent was when working with the Christian Women's Job Corps as the focus verse.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" NLT  

I used to think of that verse and say "see, God doesn't want me to be where I am - He wants me to have what I want!"  Well, a dear friend in Bible study many years ago commented on that when I said it was my favorite verse.  At the time I lived in a town that  I really hated,  I actually lived there for 25 years.  Looking back some of my best, and closest, friends are those I met in that town.  I just knew I didn't belong there.  This friend said to me "read the whole passage!"  So I did, and have many times since then.  This verse is part of a long letter to the people who were exiled in Babylon.  His prophetic words to them? Prosper where you are.  Build homes, plant gardens, marry, have children and more. In other words live where you are.  Most importantly - pray.  All these years later, I never forgot that word from my friend Cathy.  Though I strongly believe that God wants the best for each of us, He also wants us to be fully present where we are, and recognize the blessings in our lives.

So here I am, 61 years old, working in a 'lowly' retail position again and loving it. Yesterday I met people from 8 or 10 different states, I talked to a man who lives just a few miles from my home town in California and above all I made people smile and they did the same in return. 

I'm thankful that I can still work and I trust that God has blessings for me in it.  You may be doing something you don't think is right for you, take a harder look - there is a blessing in there for you to find. 

Besides, who better than me to work in a Christmas Store!? (From the gal who keeps a countdown on her phone year round!)

Press On!

10 years ago this month, July 2008, I made a decision that changed my life. I was over 200 lbs, I had been overweight for most of the previous 20 years. I knew I had to make a change. In the midst of the horrid Texas summer heat I walked every day. I started an eating plan that was easy, healthy and effective.  Over the course of the next 9 months I lost over 60 lbs. In these last 10 years I have maintained that weight loss for nearly that whole time. The last  6 months have been a challenge. 

I received a diagnosis of a chronic arthritic condition that will not go away. I was in somewhat of a spiritual slump and my various work endeavors are not going as I had planned. Things had to change. My first step was nutrition - I chose a health and wellness route to treat the psoriatic arthritis. It hasn't always been easy, but it is certainly worth it.

Next was the spiritual - I made the decision to go back to a small group Bible study.  What was interesting about that, it was the first time in 20 years that I had attended a study that I wasn't leading!  It was great to simply be with a group of great women, share, pray and study together.

Work continues to plod along, not nearly at the rate I would like.  New opportunities are coming and I will be exploring ways to expand, grow and provide.

That brings me to this last week.  As I sat and grumbled to myself about the Texas heat, I thought back to 10 years ago and how I would faithfully walk during my lunch hour.  In the hottest part of the day, every day, I would put on my exercise clothes and I just did it.  This morning when I looked at the forecast and realized that we are in for a series of 100 degree days I first thought - "I'll just stay in".  But it wasn't 100 at 7am, it was in the 70s.  So I laced up those shoes and out I went!

The entire time I was walking that 2 and a quarter miles I was thinking about all that progress I made when it was HARD 10 years ago.  As I have inched up in weight I decided that there is no way I am going back to that.  It's harder now!  I'm 10 years older (61), I have a chronic condition that today is attacking my hands, one knee and one shoulder. It hurts. I make the personal choice not to take high power drugs that have a longer list of side effects than relief. I choose to put on my walking shoes, get out of my chair, and eat better foods.

Oh, and there is one more thing - I knit.  A lot! I can sit for hours and work with yarn and needles. I spend money on excellent quality yarn, but it's not nearly what I would have to spend on drugs that will do more harm than good.  Knitting moves those painful joints and in the end I have a beautiful item as a result, not more health problems.  The joints are pretty swollen today, so lots of knitting is in store.

Today on my walk I had a long talk with myself - I'm not going back to where I was 10 years ago.  I'm facing my obstacles and pressing on.  15 lbs to lose is WAY more manageable than 60+!  I'm back on the eating plan that helped me lose 60 lbs, and I will be back at my goal.

My challenge to you today - take a look at where you are and where you want to be. Whether it is a health goal, a spiritual desire or anything else - you can do it!  Come along on my journey, let's do it together.

⇝

Rebel ~ Non Conformist ~ Free Spirit ~ LABELS!

Happy Monday morning. I had to dust through some major cobwebs to get to this blog, it's been months since I have written.  That's just kind of how I roll.  Life is still flowing along with teaching, sharing good health and lots of knitting.  

This morning I woke up thinking about being different. This all started when I was reading a knitting blog. You see, I am left handed. I don't knit continental, I don't knit right handed, I just knit. I taught myself, and for the most part my finished product comes out looking like the intended pattern.  When I started making more difficult items, such as lace or garments that needed shaping I noticed the problem. In my research I found so many terms: mirror knitting, combination knitting, or even just "learn to knit right handed!".  I didn't switch how I write to my right hand, so why in the world would I adjust my hobby by doing it in an unnatural manner?

This led to more thought about myself in general. When I looked up the definitions of several words like rebel, non conformist and free spirit some of each definintion matched me. But none of them in entirety. Hippy is another label that my family fondly uses to refer to me, though they add the "old" in front of it!  Others will tell me that I'm not really a hippy, I have never and don't now use drugs, I'm not super liberal etc.  So, I'm not a hippy.  Same with rebel  - I have no plans to overthrow anything, yet I do rebel against many things!

Labels - there really are no labels that define me, other than true. I have learned to be true to who I am. If that means others won't understand me, or agree with me, that is ok. I have grown to love that I am different. I wear my hair long and gray, and not because I'm trying to make a statement.  I do so because I like it. I hold strong faith beliefs and rely on God for sustenance of my soul, even when others bash those beliefs. I hold my yarn 'wrong' when I knit, and have to adjust things to make it work because the world only writes patterns for right handed people....... but I knit for pleasure and enjoy making things for others.  I work in unconventional jobs, often not making much money - yet I enjoy the task of helping others. 

Mostly I love being me. For so many years I didn't.  I was trying so hard to be who I thought others expected me to be that I lost who I really was.  So sad that it took so long to just dwell in the place God created me to be and rejoice in it.  So I will keep on being an old hippy, rebel, free spirit, non conformist, conservative, Jesus loving, opinionated left handed knitter! 

Who are you?

Psalm 139:13-14  You made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it. NLT

Can you do one more thing?

How many things can you do in one day? When I look at my calendar or schedule I cram a lot into each 24 hour period. Yet I feel relaxed, happy and productive ~ not stressed. How can that be? There have been years in my past that I seemed to wallow in depression or sadness. When I look back at my journals I see a pattern of chasing after what I thought I was expected to do. 

When I look at my days now they are filled to the brim with many things:

*working at my ministry job with a local non-profit

*working my home business: living in health and wellness and helping others do the same

*knitting - a LOT!

*playing with and caring for my granddaughters regularly (can you call me car pool Grammy?)

*journeying through a diagnosis of a chronic condition that will take diligence in self care

All of these things weave together to fill my days. My heart tells me I'm finally on the right path. My heart helps me share what I've learned in my first 60 years of life with others that may be searching. My heart is calm, and learning to be content in my circumstance, but not satisfied to simply stay here.  Knitting provides a good analogy:

I can start with a ball of yarn that at first glance looks like a kind of 'bland' color choice.  The super soft llama fiber feels so good in my hand.  It beckons to be made into something that will wrap softly around my shoulders on a cool day or under the frigid air conditioning that is soon to be running here in Texas before too long. 

As I sit for hours, mostly at night, while the TV is on I can't simply watch.  I must create. With each stitch and loop of the yarn my arthritic knuckles stay pain free and loose.  That ball of yarn starts to take a shape and I can't seem to stop.  To get to the completion and see what some time and dedication can produce.

I usually choose projects that can be completed in a day or two - a small neck shawl, scarf or other quick to knit item.  This time it will be a massive shawl, enough to wrap myself in completely with this decadently luscious eco llama yarn. This will not be a quick finish. So many areas of life are like this project.  I start with a small thing - one phone call to someone that is looking for health answers for their family.  That blossoms into real changes and opportunity.  I start with a woman looking to improve her job skills, so she can provide for her family and at the end of a 10 week class I see a new woman who believes in herself and that she can accomplish great things. I start with a new condition (psoriatic arthritis) that most people will simply throw heavy pharmaceuticals at and hope they keep it at bay, where I choose to take the hard path of modifying my diet, learning what causes the inflammation and in the process other changes come about that are such blessings. 

It's all in how you look at it. While I could probably go work at some 9-5 office job or retail position to pay the bills, how much better is it to follow my heart and be content and happy? Some days are hard, not everyone is willing to take the hard road of following their heart. I keep sharing, I keep watching and I keep listening. If you are ready to follow your heart, I am ready to walk beside you. 

Ready to follow your heart?