Clutter

Almost 2 years ago I started on the quest to declutter and simplify our home.  I have no intention of going full minimalist, but I was bogged down in clutter, no organization and frustration.  I wrote about a lot of that here in this blog space.  I have not undone all of the progress I made, however I did kind of stall.  I expected to be pretty much done with this project long ago! Life tends to have twists and turns that take me down paths that I don't intend.

I had to take a break from my online work today because of sheer frustration.  I could feel my stress level going up so I switched gears.  I decided to tackle the ironing basket, or I should say 2 baskets! As I worked through those items of clothing I realized that the entire bottom of one was all summer clothes that I just didn't iron or put away at the end of the season.  As I looked at each piece I started a donate/discard pile.  Then I put clothes away in my overloaded closet and the frustration started to rise..... again!  I went back and looked at some of the tips from sites that I had bookmarked when I started the decluttering process. I proceeded to spend about an hour in my very small and overcrowded closet.  I now have a pile of 50 items of clothing that are not going back in.  Everything from dresses that I have not worn in many years, to slacks that don't fit, to items that I really don't like so I never wear.  Even removing that many items of clothing I still have way too many clothes.  I look at what is there and realize that the statistic is true for me: I wear only 20% of my clothes 80% of the time.  Slowly I will pare that down even more, and will only truly have clothes I love and wear regularly.  

I thought this was a fitting activity as we get ready to enter the season of Lent. I plan to write a series again this year, but I'm going to do something much different.  The first installment will be posted on Thursday morning.  I plan to attend worship tomorrow on Ash Wednesday and then do some deep reflecting on all areas of my life before starting the writing. I have the 'bones' in place, just need to flesh it out.  

I have had many shakeups over the last 6 weeks.  Some are still evolving and I don't quite know what final shape they will take.  Today as I did a purge on my closet I started to feel that hint of freedom that I'm seeking.  I have a vision of where I want to be, but it is still somewhat out of focus.  I need to do more shaking and rearranging!  Are you ready?

Crrryyyyinggggg..... over you (Channeling Roy Orbison)

I'm going to show my age here, how many of you know Roy Orbison?  His song "Crying" is running rampant in my head!  I'm going to have to play some upbeat music today to replace it.  As I was wondering what started this haunting lyric to get stuck here in my gray matter I know exactly what started it.  My hubby and I have been working through our recorded shows on the DVR the last couple of evenings and two of my favorite shows (This Is Us and Nashville) both had major characters die.  Why do I get so attached to fictional characters? I know you are thinking it, you do it too!  The writers of these shows are doing a great job because they get us to feel.  There is so much anger, division, disagreement and hatred in our world right now (always is actually, we just see it more because of social media) that when I turn on these shows it is a way to experience love, connection and faith in relationships.  

What makes you cry?  Perhaps you are so hardened that you don't.  I don't like to cry, it isn't pretty!  Yet it can literally be so cleansing.  To get in touch with feelings that get pushed down so far, to let them bubble up, pool in the corners of our eyes and then spill down our cheeks...... just let it flow.   Sometimes I hold in feelings from my personal life so tightly that when I watch a television show, listen to a song, or read a touching story the emotions just can't be held in any longer.  

I would be worried if I didn't cry.  I'm glad that these stories touch my heart.  So many people are so hardened that the feels don't get through any more.  I wonder how I can help them. How can I reach that hurting place in a heart that allows them to give in to the pain, the hurt and the disappointment?  Listen.  Watch for small signs of reaching out.   It is so easy to get bogged down in the daily disappointments, to feel like there is no hope that you will be successful, get out of debt, fall in love, or just have a pain free day.  Start noticing those around you, or look deeply in the mirror.  Maybe you just need a good cry!

A good friend of mine, a dear lady that I met in one of my camping groups, is battling a terminal illness.  I haven't seen her in awhile, but I follow her days on social media.  She is living!  She has been given a death sentence (we all have one, hers is just more imminent) and yet she is experiencing all of the feels each day.  She still goes camping, allowing others to help her and care for her when she was one of the most independent and strong women in the group.  What must that take to allow others to love and care for her? She notices small gifts in each day, shouldn't we all?

This jumbled entry today is really about feeling.  I hope you go about your day today and FEEL what you encounter.  If some tears sneak down your cheeks, let them wash you clean.  Look a little closer at those around you and be ready to listen, or maybe you are the one that needs a listening ear........... find one.

Psalms 56:8 You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.  NLT

There is One who feels your tears.

Funnels, Pipelines and Leads - oh my!

Does your job have a 'lingo'?  As I think back on my many jobs over the years they all have unique words and phrases that often held different meanings than what other people would understand. As a very young woman when I worked in an escrow office there were terms and phrases in relation to legal documents and title searches.  My time in the military had its own lingo:  we had to be aware of FOD, I knew I got off work at 1900 hrs and I was identified by rank.  My husband works as a chaplain in a hospital and the medical world has an entire lingo that is foreign to most of us with their 'stat' 'prn' 'GCS' -(unless you watch Chicago Med or Code Black and learn what all the trauma terminology is)!   

Truth be told I think all professions, and businesses, have short cut terms that are only familiar to those on the inside.  Even families (at least ours does) have special terms and phrases that mean nothing to others.  For the last few years I have worked in online business, marketing a specific product line. That company has many terms that are unique to them.  When most people hear those terms they wonder what in the heck is she talking about!  Yet others in the company or customers know exactly what I'm referring to.  

Communication is important.  When I want to be fully understood I need to speak and act in ways that are not foreign to the person I'm communicating with. When I think back to my many years of working in churches the lingo was often more damaging than helpful.  When our purpose was to extend God's love and saving grace to others we often used this secret language that could be so foreign. "You must be born again, accept the Holy Spirit and function in agape love". What?!  When I simply communicate with people, talk to them, sit with them and 'be' with them we can communicate with each other.  I know I have been so misunderstood many times in my 59 years, people think they know what I'm thinking or feeling simply by my body language or actions.  In actuality they are usually totally wrong. We rely on forms of communication that aren't always accurate.  We use lingo (a dialect or language) that is foreign to those we are trying to communicate with.    I am saying "we" - when I mean ""I". Maybe those of you reading don't ever fall in to this trap.  Today I am so aware of lingo and relaying information in such a way as to be understood.  It is a constant struggle and needs close examination.  

When I am in my kitchen I use funnels for canning, or moving liquids from a large container to a smaller one.  In my day to day work funnels have a completely different meaning.  If I tell most people that I am working with funnels today their first thought is probably to something in the kitchen.  Assumptions are made and opinions formed.  Communication.

Actually funnels hold a completely different meaning and purpose for me in my work.  They are important and a great tool.  Think about what you will do today.  Will you be understood when you communicate? Will there be misunderstandings because of the lingo you use? I seek to be understood.  I want you to be understood as well.  No matter what your day looks like, think about the language you use, the posture that you present and always seek to understand those around you in order to be understood. 

In my spiritual life, my business life and my personal life - my biggest goal is always to be understood.   Will you be understood today?  

As always I love to share my work with you, that is how it goes!  I share, I relay information and I  seek to add value to your life.  Each of you adds value to mine.

Stop Carrying Buckets

May your day be blessed and your life be full!

Do you hear it?

When I look back over the last few weeks of my journal entries and also back at my last blog post it is not only my vision that has been blurred.  There have been hours spent thinking back on paths and past decisions and how my decisions were made. Have you ever prayed so fervently for something but as things unfolded you questioned whether your prayers were heard? When I sat and dug deep into my memories and journal entries there were so many times that I was certain that either my prayers had gone unanswered or I simply hadn't prayed hard enough. In the looking back I realize that God indeed answers, and though it may not look like I wanted there is good in each thing.   

For many months I have questioned the path that I am on.  I have written in this space before that I truly love the work that I do.  I love the freedom of it and the way that I can design my days, and when I do the work I can provide for us.  Inside there has been this conflict.  Nearly 2 years ago I started a quest for simplification - a decluttering.  While great progress was made, it just came to a standstill.  Tied up in all of that was my work, a business that is fun, pretty and a frivolous line of products.  I still love that line of products, immensely. What was eating away at me was "how can I ask people to buy things, spend money on items that are not  necessities?  I'm working so hard to make our life and home about necessities, yet I'm selling a luxury item".  Then I would justify it, telling myself that people are going to spend the money anyway, I might as well provide for us by selling what they want.

During the Christmas season we had a wonderful time with family, focusing on the meaning and reason we were celebrating.  We were also navigating through the weeks of recovery as my husband healed from some major surgeries.  It was even more evident to me during that time that we need to protect our health, our home, our basic needs.  Jumbled up in all of that I also started a new ministry job.  So much piling on!  The ministry job is a calling , a place to use the gifts that I have to help others. It came at a time that we needed the income and I knew that it was an answer to prayer.  As usual for me, in my life journey and ministry calling, when I follow that call it is with great blessing.  Then money runs out.  So do I continue to do the thing that God has called me to do, or am I only doing it for the money? So many hard things  to think about all at once.

Then another deep and pleading prayer: God, show me the direction You would have me go! Guide me to first be serving You, and second to provide and be a good steward. Help me make good decisions, right decisions and faith-filled decisions.

I prayed that prayer every day for what seemed like weeks. I poured out my words in my journal. I would continue to do my business with integrity and all of my energy.  I worked at the ministry position while not seeing any fruit come from the labor (yet).   January 9, a Monday, a change happened.  I had an event planned that I had sent personal invitations to, I had advertised, I had worked hard to set up.  Not one response.  I was trying to mentor my team and felt like I was talking to empty space.  I was questioning, I was doubting.  I crossed paths with a couple and the offer they quietly presented was shouting to something deep inside of me - could this be God's way of answering the prayers that I had prayed for so long?  I was not looking, I was not wanting to change, yet I knew that in some way I needed to.  A still small voice was whispering "you prayed, I answered".  

Change is hard!  I still don't have a clear picture of how everything will unfold.  My life (and calendar) are now fuller than ever.  When I look at my color-coded planner I see a pattern emerging. What at first glance looks like a random mish-mash of chaos, I slowly see as a beautiful future unfolding.  I see hope and promise that the voice I heard is the right one. I see myself moving in a direction to help people, both in the ministry calling and in the new business direction. Everything is starting to align in my quest to be a good steward and to help people in their journey as well.   I'm starting to feel good about decisions that I am making.

It's been a long road of searching, working, helping and striving to simplify my life.  I'm not there yet!  I'm making small changes, but each day it seems I'm to make big ones. For the first time in a long time I finally feel like I'm on the right path and following the right voice. There is still so much unknown and new paths to discover, but one day at a time I'm listening for The Voice.

Isaiah 30:19-26 O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. He will be gracious if you ask for help. He will surely respond to the sound of your cries. Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, "This is the way you should go", whether to the right or to the left. Then you will destroy all your silver idols and your precious gold images. You will throw them out like filthy rags, saying to them, "Good riddance!"  Then the Lord will bless you with rain at planting time. There will be wonderful harvests and plenty of pastureland for your livestock. The oxen and donkeys that till the ground will eat good grain, its chaff blown away by the wind. In that day, your enemies are slaughtered and the towers fall, there will be streams of water flowing down every mountain and hill.  The moon will be as bright as the sun, and the sun will be seven times brighter - like the light of seven days in one!  So it will be when the Lord begins to heal his people and cure the wounds he gave them.  NLT