I would guess that each of you reading this knows, or has immediate family members, that are part of a blended family. Our own daughter has children that are hers from a marriage that is no longer intact. She is engaged to a great young man who also has children from a previous marriage. I have close friends and family that are agonizing over not being able to be with or see their children for the holiday because they will be with the other biological parent. That seems to be the norm in our society today. Sad, but true.
If you think of a family without divorce or single parenthood even in the best of families when it comes to holidays and traditions there is often dispute. "But my family always does things this way, I don't want to do it your way!" "I have never spent a holiday away from my parents, (my sibling, my grandparents, etc) we HAVE to be with them." The scenarios go on and on. I value traditions and carrying on the story of how things were done. When we pass those things along to our children it is a way of keeping our loved ones with us through the story and tradition. I want to tell you a small story, though kind of trivial, about our family. My sister and I grew up eating turkey stuffed with bread stuffing. Part of the tradition at holiday time was the process of making that stuffing and I can still remember 'stealing' pieces of the carefully prepared bread croutons before they were put in the bird. When we both married southern men in Texas we learned about cornbread dressing. Now I do like cornbread dressing, but bread stuffing is the way to go for the holiday dinner - that is just how it is! For many years we (my sister and I) continued on our tradition of bread stuffing. Eventually we added in cornbread dressing, but I won't go in to great detail of how that all came about, just know that at our large table both types were there. We have both been married to our guys for over 30 years and we rarely all get together for holidays anymore because we both have grown children with families of their own now and trying to get all of us together is just an impossible task. The Koplin sisters have had to adjust to a 'new norm' after having things our way for oh so many years.
So how do we handle the 'blended family' dilemma? How do we carry on our family traditions, having to let go of treasured practices but adding in new ones? It can be a crippling thing for some. Perhaps the meal won't look the same, or the process of gift giving/bedtime/waking up and the schedule of the day won't go as we want. Perhaps one family is extravagant and over the top in gifts where the other is simple, basic and less. Does it make one better than the other? Is the love that is shared between members any different? For me the driving factor is that I want my grandchildren to know that I love them. I don't show that by the most expensive gift or the 'best' tradition, I show it in taking interest in them and giving my time, all of the time. Yes, I pass along the traditions that I hold dear, but I know that they will be better young women some day by taking in many experiences and that Grammy's way isn't the only way.
What do I really want this Christmas season? For those I know and love to know and love the ultimate blended family.
Matthew 1:18-21 This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her fiance, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. "Joseph, son of David," the angel said, "do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you will name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins."........... 24 When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife.
I'm sure that is not how Joseph imagined his life would be. Are any of our lives how we picture them? Each day we make decisions and decide who and what to follow. Our personal holiday traditions and practices will not look like years past. A young family with 5 children between then have decisions to make. My prayer is that the decisions that are made and the time that is spent is full of love and acceptance. My part in that is to remember the obedience and trust of Joseph. That I will share the love that is in my heart that is so much more than temporary presents and traditions. It is an ultimate love that only comes from God.
That is my prayer for you as well.
Prayer focus: Pray for those who are struggling to make their way through family dynamics. Pray for God to give you strength to give love and peace to those who may think and do differently than you do. Pray for families to come together in their own way, bringing with them bits and pieces of their own traditions and making new ones with parts of all. Pray for families to make Jesus their common tradition, a tradition of love and grace.
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