Rocks

I'm having flashbacks to many years ago, my bathroom floor has rocks on it.  I'm not talking big huge boulders, but pea gravel emptied from my granddaughter's shoes at bath time. The reason for the flashback, our daughter loved to fill her school uniform pockets with rocks when she was a child.  I would find them on the floor, in the washing machine, and of course often step on the tiniest pebble that felt like a razor through the bottom of my foot.  Yes, I go barefoot all the time and when there are rocks in the house - beware!

The fascination with rocks didn't end at filling pockets, we had rocks of all sorts  throughout our home.  There was even a lamp base filled with her most treasured rocks and gems. When we went on trips it was easy to bring something home, a new rock would suffice. That love of rocks has carried to our young granddaughters.  We go on golf cart rides down our country road and picking up rocks is a favorite activity.  Nothing fancy, just random slate, a little granite, some quartz, but you would think their buckets of rocks were the most priceless possession from the way they react.

This morning as I got up long before the sun, I was walking into my bathroom and of course stepped on one tiny piece of pea gravel that I missed after the girls' visit a few nights ago. Ouch!  As I looked at that small rock this morning I thought about how the tiniest thing can stop me cold.  

As I was studying Nehemiah during Lent, and his rebuilding of the wall, at first I was encouraged.  To read of his persistence against great obstacles, opposition and rebellion started out as a motivation to me. If you read the rest of the story (from where I left off) Nehemiah never gave up.  He kept on.    I just stopped.  I hit my own wall of resistance and I didn't push through.  It was as if a giant granite mountain was in front of me and I didn't want to try and figure out how to get around it.  Where Nehemiah was struggling to rebuild the wall I was struggling to tear one down.  One of the seasons (Lent/Easter) that I look forward to the most became a burden this year.

When I look back over the last 3 weeks there have been so many things that have filled my life and time.  

*taking steps to taper down a business that I have worked very hard on for 3 years

*taking larger steps to build a new business that excites me, is promising and is "what I've been looking for"

*working at a ministry job that is proving to be life changing for the women who are participating

*continual praying and support for family members

*heart wrenching sadness for loved ones suffering from cancer and other illnesses

The biggest obstacle has been a spiritual one. While I have been super reflective in prayer time and in seeking God more than ever, some of the normally accepted practices of a good Christian have been a struggle for me.  I'm disillusioned at what the 'church' has become. I struggle with yet another event, program or fundraiser. As I sat with 4 women around a table over the last 5 weeks we talked about life.  To look at this world from a perspective that is so different than my own has been eye opening.  But it is also making me ask "What have I been doing all of these years?" 

A tiny little rock that caused me pain this morning got me thinking.  Have I been relying on the Rock that I gave my life to so many years ago?  I can say, without a doubt - YES! Even though from appearances some may say I'm a backslider, or neglecting my duties as a Christian I feel closer to God than I ever have.  I am having real conversations with women about how God has moved in my life and in theirs.  I am witnessing volunteers give of themselves simply as a way of sharing the love of Christ, not for any recognition.  I feel alive, with the love of God, because I'm relying on Him to be my Rock.

I've been a faithful 'church goer' for most of my life.  Suddenly I feel alive as a Christ-follower.  To be sharing his story, his 'why' and see women experience God's mercy and grace from people they don't even know has been a revival.   I am truly blessed.  It has taken moving some rocks, stepping on pebbles and facing huge mountains in front of me to truly understand just what that blessing is.  Do I still have that battle to face on my indifference and disillusion about 'the church'?  Yes ~ but then I am reminded, I am the church, you are the church, WE are the church together.  Go, be the church!

Isaiah 26:4 Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.