Nothing or everything new?

If you look at media (social or otherwise) it would seem the world is coming to an end. All of the fighting, anger, division. "Never seen anything like it" - right? Nope - been around since the beginning of time. It is all the human condition, we just have it spewed in our faces and updated second by second on the devices that are now attached to us like superglue. It all can be overwhelming and downright depressing. 

Yesterday I was reading, on social media, an account of little known facts about the Woodstock festival in 1969.  Nearly half a million people gathered in a field and what chaos there was! It was a time of great social upheaval in our nation and world, and though most were aware of it, because we didn't have a running news feed instantly accessible most people went on with their lives until the evening news, had an hour of so of "oh no, what will we do!?" despair then they went on with their lives.

Like many of you, I am never far from my electronic devices. I do read and take in what is happening, but I also am fully aware that a great majority of the reports are distorted, slanted, written to incite anger or simply fake. What I do more than ever these last few days is make myself focus on the good. I started my day today reflecting, and here is some of what came to mind from my 60 years on this earth:

*I grew up in a small town, with a comfortable home and good friends. I didn't have all of the newest things. I had more than some, and less than others. I aspired to great things - but I was never quite good enough to make the tennis team, I wasn't the best scholar and I had big dreams that never quite came true.  I just kept dreaming.

*I wanted to go to college - instead while my closest friends all set off to live in dorms or apartments I attended a trade school, and was soon working full time. Not too long after that I had my own place, paid my own bills and learned to really stretch every dollar I made.  I had great friends, I worked hard and played hard too. I still dreamed of bigger things and never gave up.

*I watched friends go to Hawaii on college grad trips or honeymoons, I saw them buy new cars and start families, I dreamed of where I might travel someday, but mostly continued working and always trying ways to achieve success and help others. While my friends were on fancy trips and had college degrees (and debt) I lived in the most beautiful place I had ever been. Alaska - paid for by the government as I served in the Air Force. I drove a beat up rusted out car, I mainly wore fatigues and still worked hard, played hard and started college. I had BIG dreams and loved life. There was always someone to help and good to be done.

I could go on and on ~ life hasn't been how I imagined when I was a young woman. Yet each day I get up, I pray and I believe that I can still achieve the great things that I dream of. Some would look at me and think "she just fails over and over".  I look at it as steps to success. 

*Owned my first business at age 29, made a little money and sold it at a profit a few years later.

*Ran my own seamstress and alterations business out of my home for several years.  I helped people and was able to be home with our daughter and make a little money on the side.

*Always had a 'side gig' with a direct sales company, my extra spending money.

*Completed my college degree at age 47.

*Established my own LLC (which is still in place) at age 57.

*Published a small book at age 59 that allowed me to express feelings I had kept inside for most of my life.

*Ran a successful business for 3 years - until I discovered a better opportunity that fit my personal viewpoint better.  Closed that business and opened another.

*Work at a ministry position that helps women in ways that gives them hope and skills to discover their own success.

*Own a business that is everything I believe in: opportunity for young entrepreneurs or retirees that want a little extra freedom, and everything in between. Bringing hope and success in ways that people have only dreamed of.  

My list could be pages long of what many would view as failed attempts at success or pipe dreams. I prefer to look at all that I have done and learned as steps leading to a full life that is blessed no matter how hard and ugly it may look to others. Our world is in chaos, but it has always been so - we just have a microscopic view in front of us at all times right now. I choose to look at the beauty around me, the people just like me that are enjoying each day, striving for good and helping others along the way. My bills are sometimes too big, I often give more than I take, but I am blessed - I have dreams and I will never stop working to achieve them.

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 1:19 NIV

I'm ready to help you go after your dreams.

It Is What It Is

Writing is how I process things. I will never be an acclaimed author or a highly sought after speaker, so I just use my journals and this blog as a way to get things out. Over 7 months ago, as people were pondering their resolutions for 2017, I was prayerfully considering my word of the year.  After much deliberation I settled on surrender. That word has plagued me all year! I researched definitions, I wondered how it would apply to my life situations and as often the case when I really lay things before God, it has challenged me.

Yesterday was one of those days, when I was down and out, disappointed and discouraged. Work wasn't going as planned, free time was non existent and all of my frustrations, hurts, and disappointments in myself came out and rolled down my cheeks. As I laid awake, sleepless, I realized I wasn't surrendering, I was giving up.  There is a huge difference!  This must be a common thought process because when I did a search this morning there were many people who had written blogs about that very thing - surrender vs giving up. 

During those sleepless hours last night as I was in my 'oh woe is me' mode, a small voice started becoming louder: You are making this all about you! Maybe it wasn't such a small voice but a loud boom! So I started thinking about that and with the morning light it became more clear.  Did I do everything that I could in the situation? Yes. Did I communicate my expectations to others? Yes. Did I place responsibility (or blame) on others, when it really was my own shortfall? Yes ~ ouch.  

Reminder to me - Surrender: to yield to the power of another.  So who do I surrender to? God. Instead of making all those situations yesterday about me, I am choosing today, this moment, to make it about surrender. To look at myself going forward and doing what is in my power to succeed, to be the best 'me' I can be. Then surrender to God all the rest.  You would think at 60 years old that I would have this figured out! Yet I'm often finding myself slip back to that "you failed, you didn't perform well, you didn't_____".  Truth is that sometimes even with the best effort, the perfect performance or the best intentions we can never control what others do. We are all part of a larger picture - family members sometimes don't do what we expect, co-workers and team members sometimes don't have the same drive that we do, and often God has lessons for us in what we view as failure. 

I often read of success stories, especially those that come later in life. It reminds me that I'm here in this place, at this stage, because that is where I'm supposed to be. I learned (or relearned) a lesson yesterday - the part that is about me is to do what I can, to the best of my ability. By attaching my expectations to the acts of others just sets me up for disappointment. Going forward I simply need to be the best me and encourage others to be the best they can be. Putting my expectations onto others is not fair to either of us. It's a new day and in this moment I choose to do only what I can do and not place blame because others don't do the same, because they too may be doing their best. My best does not define others' best! And when I do the best of my ability I need to be confident in that and not put myself down. Now that feels good!

And the affirmation comes:  August 11 Jesus Always, by Sarah Young

Nudges

How many choices have you already made today? Here are just a few that I have made: what to have for breakfast, what to wear, what to take out of the freezer for dinner, how to wear my hair, what fragrance of lotion to use, which person to call first on my business list... the choices go on and on.  Many of the choices we make are just automatic, we do them without giving them a lot of thought. 

When I think back over my life so far, at 60 years old, I have made many choices. Some I regret, but even in regret I have learned valuable lessons. Others I am so thankful that I made the choice (like my current and LAST business) because though thankful of where I am I'm really sorry it took so long to find it. But even in that, I learned so much in my other work ventures that have molded me and brought me to a place that I have things to offer and knowledge that I wouldn't have had if those earlier choices hadn't been made. The biggest lesson I have learned is to always ask people. If I had been asked sooner I can imagine where I would be! The hardest thing for us to let go of is judging the condition and desires of other people. No one knows the deepest desires of my heart, or our financial condition, or our family dreams. Just like I don't know what yours are. I may have an idea, but in reality all I really know is what you show me. How many times have you put on a 'face' for public, or even for family, that is not portraying the real you? We can get very good at hiding our doubt, our frustrations and our worries. As a person of faith I pour those things out to God - often! Then I get up, start the day and always believe that things will turn around.

Over the past 20 years I have worked in so many different jobs and companies. Through each one I always believed I was helping people.  Whether it was teaching, selling a product that I thought would make their lives better or easier, coaching, or serving I worked hard and to my best ability at each one.  The driving force was also what it could do for us. Income mainly. About 7 months ago I was searching. My business at that time was floundering. Though I loved it I was burdened with the thought that I was asking people to spend money on something that perhaps was taking money away from things their family needed more. I prayed for days and the answer came in the most unexpected place, but I listened to that nudge in my heart and I responded. Things were totally shaken up for me! I changed my business path completely - after 3 very hard years of work. I asked my family to believe in me just one more time, that I could succeed at something and that things would really be better. 

I also work at a ministry job that is a true calling. It is what I have trained and prepared for over the years. My heart is in that job. Like many ministry jobs, the uncertainty of continuing pay is looming at each turn. My deepest desire? That I can be so successful at my business that I can do the ministry job as a volunteer. There are large hurdles to jump to get to that place. What keeps me going is the knowledge that the only way I can achieve my goals is to help others.

I don't have dreams of huge houses, or extravagant purchases - I simply want to live debt free, allow my almost 73 year old husband to fully retire, and be able to help even more people. I finally found the 'vehicle' to do that - so instead of seeing the front people choose to expose to me, I will continue to ask questions. I will continue to follow the nudges that led me to this place. I will continue to help. I know that there are so many of you out there that are searching just like I was. If this is your nudge- follow it!

This is your nudge - follow it!

Jeremiah 29:11 For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.