Melancholy

mel·an·chol·y

noun

• 1.a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause

Sometimes things just don't go as planned.  I was wondering if what I am feeling is melancholy, but when I saw the definition the 'typically with no obvious cause' kind of threw me for  loop.  You see, I can pinpoint what is driving my discouragement and my sadness.  So while I am feeling pensive sadness, there is a cause.  So perhaps it is just me.  Maybe I'm just looking at the circumstances, the efforts that I put forth that didn't result in the outcome I desired, and I'm choosing to be sad.  For me, a period of sadness is okay. The key is to not stay here, I have done that too often and too long in the past.

So the goals I set and the business plan I made failed miserably.  Do I just throw the entire thing out the window?  I think not.  I am giving myself this day, this time period to dwell in it though.  I  am thinking through what I can do differently, how I can change things so that the outcome has a better chance of actually going in the direction I desire.  How many times do you just give up?  There have been many times when I have.  I love to study successful people.  The common thread is they don't give up, and they change their self talk. My success may be measured differently than most.  Since I am in a later stage of my life my dreams and desires are not as lofty, but they are still hard to attain in our present society.  I think I'm just tired today.  

As I sat in worship this morning I heard the words "we are rich".  I would say all of us, me in writing and all of you in reading, are rich by the world standard.  Simply by sitting at a computer, probably in a comfortable chair, or scrolling through on a portable electronic device we are rich.  I would also guess that most of us want more of something.  More money, more 'things', more time to do what we want, or simply more of life.  A friend of mine, from one of my women's camping groups, is battling cancer.  I haven't seen her in a long while as I haven't been able to attend the camp-outs.  That alone made me grumble, I want to hook up my trailer when I want and go relax with these great women.  I read her posts and her updates of how she is living her life, after she gets news that is not very good.  I hear more life and joy in her written words then most of us can express on the best of days.  So why do I get in a pity party when all I have is some lost sleep, a business goal that fell flat, and the need to completely rethink how to go forward?  

One way I manage to go forward is to make myself recognize the extreme blessings that I have in my life.  I write them down, I search for them.  Once I get started it has the snowball effect.  When taking the time to notice the good things, no matter how small, the failures don't seem quite so big.  So much has happened this week that gives me pause to make note of my blessings:

*my husband is battling a frustrating chronic and increasing leg pain that makes even walking difficult, we are in the slow process of waiting for results from testing and doctors - he couldn't fully enjoy our recent vacation because of limitations

*a friend and neighbor lost her husband unexpectedly at age 54, leaving her and their 4 grown children without him

*the friend I noted above got 'not so great news' on her recent health report

*a friend from my Air Force days is caring for her mother with Alzheimers - day to day  caring for her parent that doesn't even know who she is
*4 friends  come to mind immediately, that are fighting the evil -  cancer

These are just a few of the things that have come across my prayer list this week.  Yet I found myself whining and griping because my business efforts didn't give me the results I desired.  

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Part two:   I walked away from this post yesterday (Sunday) because I needed to focus on something good.  I made a nice pot of venison stew and some homemade quick bread, then banana pudding for dessert.  I listened to rain outside and was thankful we could open our house and turn off the air conditioning.   I slept really well last night (first time in a couple of weeks) and woke up refreshed and ready to logically decide where I want to go next with my business and share that with my team.  Yesterday I was melancholy, I was feeling defeated and was doing a lot of negative self talk.  Today I'm ready to start again!  One door in my business has closed but I can turn around and knock on another one!  

For me it is my work that caused the melancholy.  Since I work for myself, I depend on my own efforts to succeed.  I'm also part of a team, so I must work with them and support them in order for things to work.  Last night before I went to sleep I watched  a 30 minute video done by 2 women in my company that make 7 figure incomes.  Yes, 7 figures selling $15 sheets of nail art!  Yes, they started in the bloom/boom when the company was new 3 years ago, but they haven't stayed at their level of success because of when they started. They remain and continue to succeed because of their actions now.  I don't have the desire for the level that they have achieved. My personal goal is simply to provide for us, be debt free, and continue to do this job I love. These two women shifted their thinking, their practices and their business plan when they saw things that weren't working.  They are both young and have different goals than I do, yet I can apply the same principles that they use in order to mold my own success. 

My faith also helps me to move forward.  When I took time yesterday to worship God, focus on His bigger plan for my life and remind myself of how truly blessed I am it made it easier to shake the melancholy.  There will always be someone more successful and someone truly more down and out than we are.   I choose to care, not complain.  I care for those around me and what their desires are.  I care for my team of women and want to see them succeed.  I care for my customers and want to help them, not just take their money.  I won't compare myself to those who achieved what I did not.  I will observe, I will learn and I will try new things - but I won't compare.  (I have to keep writing that one, because I fall into the compare trap a lot!) I will keep my vision and goals firmly in front of me and not compare my goals to the goals of others.  

This passage from one of the devotional books that I read helped me break out of the melancholy:

Each of my children is a unique blend of temperament, giftedness and life experiences. Something that is a baby step for you may be a giant step for another person, and vice versa. Only I know the difficulty or ease of each segment of your journey. Beware of trying to impress others by acting as if your giant steps are only baby ones. Do not judge others who hesitate, in trembling fear, before an act that would be easy for you. If each of My children would seek to please Me above all else, fear of  others' judgments would vanish, as would attempts to impress others. Focus your attention on the path just ahead of you and on the One who never leaves your side. ~ Sarah Young "Jesus Calling".

I'm going forward!

The whisper or shout ~ which do you listen to?

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks around here!  Helping our grand daughters get settled into new school and preschool classes, supporting our daughter and celebrating with her as she makes a new path in life (and soon a new son in law to welcome). Working my business and preparing for a long awaited vacation  trip.  It kind of all came together in a big *clash* yesterday as I looked at mountains of vacation laundry, one load of which got left in the washer so I'm sure will have to be washed again, baking a birthday cake, planning a home cooked birthday dinner for my husband all while working the online portion of my job in the midst of one of the biggest days we have had in months.  One of my team members commented "How did you manage to make a cake while getting caught up?"  

I finished yesterday being pretty hard on myself.  I had set goals and worked hard to achieve them.  After a great vacation that I paid for with my direct sales income I set about to nurture my customers and take care of them.  I also touched base with my wonderful team of women and made efforts to encourage them, build them up and learn what their desires are. Even though my intentions were good, all through the day all I could do was compare myself to others.  Some of the goals I had set for myself I have already surpassed, but some are still limping along and may need adjusting.  Do you look at others and say "I could never do what she does?"  Yes, you can.  Do you dream big and then see others achieve what you want and say "I might as well give up, I will never get there".  You only fail when you quit.  I'm not just talking about my direct sales business here, though it is what got me thinking deeply about this.  Some would look at my progress in this 2.5 years and see great success, and for the norm that would be true.  The interesting thing is I actually think I'm 'hungrier' for it because I'm so much older than most of the women I work with.  I don't dream of big houses and lots of 'things', I dream of less.  I dream of slowing down - sitting longer on a porch in the mountains, and leaving the chaos behind.  Sadly, I have to work hard to get there.  After years of trying to 'keep up with the Jones' the need is now to pay off, downsize, and simplify and the only way to do that is to succeed at what I do.  

When I looked at where I was yesterday, running like a wild person to plan a nice evening with family, get things in order after being gone for a week and still run my business on one of the biggest days of the year I fell short - in my own mind.  Some would look at my progress and say "wow!"  the thing I saw was the goals I didn't meet.  I fell in to that horrible trap of comparison.  Friends ~ there will always be someone who accomplishes more and those who accomplish less then we do.  Comparing can be like poison!  Instead of celebrating the great things I DID do yesterday, the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep was "I can't believe I didn't get the new team members in Mexico that I nurtured". 

I made a choice when I woke up today - to be thankful.  So here it is:

*A wonderful family that had a fun time around a dinner table - laughing, eating and celebrating a birthday together

*A mountain of laundry that was a sign of a relaxing week where my husband and I did basically NOTHING but relax

*Good friends 

*A home, food, clothing and way more than we ever need when so many do not have necessities

*A sales level in my business this month that for most would be a dream

*Excellent health

*A faith in God that is so strong it gets me through the worst of times

Last night I would have made a longer list of everything that wasn't going how I planned.  I'm not even going to write those down or give voice to them!  Yesterday when I went to pick my oldest grand daughter up from her swim team practice the coach was giving the swimmers their end of lesson pep talk.  I only caught a small portion of it, but one thing stuck with me as he spoke to them about character.  He said "it's all well and good to be kind, excellent at what you do and 'good' when people are looking, but who are you when no one is looking?" Good for him for not only teaching those youngsters to swim well but to instill the values of good moral character as well.  Way to go Coach for planting those seeds!  It also got me thinking of the seeds I plant in my own heart.  I ended yesterday a little resentful, I had done hard work to accomplish some things that just didn't happen.  I failed to celebrate the good things that did.  I started to doubt my self because I didn't achieve some of my goals - yet.

So which voice do you listen to?  Today I'm going to listen to the whisper that says "you can do it,  keep going after your dreams and do it in a kind, honorable and faithful way".  I won't listen to the shout that is screaming at me "You didn't do it!  Did you see what she did!?  Why didn't you stay up one more hour, or send one more message, or make one more call?  You will never get there!"    I choose the whisper and the gentle answer that is saying "Well done my good and faithful servant, you chose the better path of joy".

I'm great at sending encouragement and support to those around me, I just need to whisper to myself more often.  I applaud accomplishment - no matter how small.  I just need to do the same for myself.  Be kind to to yourself today and take a moment to whisper to yourself "I'm proud of you!"

What is your barrier?

I'm sad to admit that I spent 25+ years in a heavily bilingual town on the Texas/Mexico border and I didn't take the time or make the effort to learn Spanish.  I can understand a few words but that is about it.  I took 2 years of French in high school, I tried to learn a bit of German when we first moved to our current town, but I have not made the effort to learn a second language.  I admire people that can converse in multiple languages and I think I must add that to my 'bucket of life' list of things to do.  I remember a young girl that is the granddaughter of a dear friend of mine, she visited and attended school with my daughter when they were in second grade.  At that young age she could already speak SEVEN languages!  Surely this nearly 60 year old can learn 1 more!?

This is in the front of my mind right now because in my direct sales business we are about to launch in Mexico.  This is such an exciting thing and to be part of bringing a ground floor opportunity to the women there is something I'm thrilled to be part of.  I remember my excitement when I started with this business over 2 years ago (and I still love it) but to be part of introducing brand new products and opportunities in another country is also lots of fun.  Communicating with those women?  HARD!

I have been relying on a translate program to send my messages and answer questions about the business opportunity.  I also read posts and conversations that others are having and I always hit the 'see translation' button.  It is pretty comical how some of the translations are worded.  That just made me realize that when we say things, and then write them in a translation program, that sometimes the context or words just don't translate properly in another language. 

This also got me thinking that even when we speak the same language as someone we are often misunderstood.  We can say something that is intended in one way and it is received in a totally different manner than we had hoped to express. This has happened to me more times than I can count!  My words are blurted out and suddenly I have offended, hurt or damaged a relationship simply because of misunderstanding.  I'm learning a lot in this process of sharing my business with those who speak a different language.  I'm also finding that by using and reading the translation program that I might just actually learn how to speak Spanish (un poco).

Take some time today to listen.  Take in all of the circumstances around you and ponder whether you are hearing and understanding things the way they are intended.  Pause a little longer and think before you speak, making sure you are expressing yourself in the manner in which you desire to be understood.  We can all learn new things - observing and listening are the first steps to breaking barriers.  

Espero que tengas un día fabuloso!