Melancholy

mel·an·chol·y

noun

• 1.a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause

Sometimes things just don't go as planned.  I was wondering if what I am feeling is melancholy, but when I saw the definition the 'typically with no obvious cause' kind of threw me for  loop.  You see, I can pinpoint what is driving my discouragement and my sadness.  So while I am feeling pensive sadness, there is a cause.  So perhaps it is just me.  Maybe I'm just looking at the circumstances, the efforts that I put forth that didn't result in the outcome I desired, and I'm choosing to be sad.  For me, a period of sadness is okay. The key is to not stay here, I have done that too often and too long in the past.

So the goals I set and the business plan I made failed miserably.  Do I just throw the entire thing out the window?  I think not.  I am giving myself this day, this time period to dwell in it though.  I  am thinking through what I can do differently, how I can change things so that the outcome has a better chance of actually going in the direction I desire.  How many times do you just give up?  There have been many times when I have.  I love to study successful people.  The common thread is they don't give up, and they change their self talk. My success may be measured differently than most.  Since I am in a later stage of my life my dreams and desires are not as lofty, but they are still hard to attain in our present society.  I think I'm just tired today.  

As I sat in worship this morning I heard the words "we are rich".  I would say all of us, me in writing and all of you in reading, are rich by the world standard.  Simply by sitting at a computer, probably in a comfortable chair, or scrolling through on a portable electronic device we are rich.  I would also guess that most of us want more of something.  More money, more 'things', more time to do what we want, or simply more of life.  A friend of mine, from one of my women's camping groups, is battling cancer.  I haven't seen her in a long while as I haven't been able to attend the camp-outs.  That alone made me grumble, I want to hook up my trailer when I want and go relax with these great women.  I read her posts and her updates of how she is living her life, after she gets news that is not very good.  I hear more life and joy in her written words then most of us can express on the best of days.  So why do I get in a pity party when all I have is some lost sleep, a business goal that fell flat, and the need to completely rethink how to go forward?  

One way I manage to go forward is to make myself recognize the extreme blessings that I have in my life.  I write them down, I search for them.  Once I get started it has the snowball effect.  When taking the time to notice the good things, no matter how small, the failures don't seem quite so big.  So much has happened this week that gives me pause to make note of my blessings:

*my husband is battling a frustrating chronic and increasing leg pain that makes even walking difficult, we are in the slow process of waiting for results from testing and doctors - he couldn't fully enjoy our recent vacation because of limitations

*a friend and neighbor lost her husband unexpectedly at age 54, leaving her and their 4 grown children without him

*the friend I noted above got 'not so great news' on her recent health report

*a friend from my Air Force days is caring for her mother with Alzheimers - day to day  caring for her parent that doesn't even know who she is
*4 friends  come to mind immediately, that are fighting the evil -  cancer

These are just a few of the things that have come across my prayer list this week.  Yet I found myself whining and griping because my business efforts didn't give me the results I desired.  

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Part two:   I walked away from this post yesterday (Sunday) because I needed to focus on something good.  I made a nice pot of venison stew and some homemade quick bread, then banana pudding for dessert.  I listened to rain outside and was thankful we could open our house and turn off the air conditioning.   I slept really well last night (first time in a couple of weeks) and woke up refreshed and ready to logically decide where I want to go next with my business and share that with my team.  Yesterday I was melancholy, I was feeling defeated and was doing a lot of negative self talk.  Today I'm ready to start again!  One door in my business has closed but I can turn around and knock on another one!  

For me it is my work that caused the melancholy.  Since I work for myself, I depend on my own efforts to succeed.  I'm also part of a team, so I must work with them and support them in order for things to work.  Last night before I went to sleep I watched  a 30 minute video done by 2 women in my company that make 7 figure incomes.  Yes, 7 figures selling $15 sheets of nail art!  Yes, they started in the bloom/boom when the company was new 3 years ago, but they haven't stayed at their level of success because of when they started. They remain and continue to succeed because of their actions now.  I don't have the desire for the level that they have achieved. My personal goal is simply to provide for us, be debt free, and continue to do this job I love. These two women shifted their thinking, their practices and their business plan when they saw things that weren't working.  They are both young and have different goals than I do, yet I can apply the same principles that they use in order to mold my own success. 

My faith also helps me to move forward.  When I took time yesterday to worship God, focus on His bigger plan for my life and remind myself of how truly blessed I am it made it easier to shake the melancholy.  There will always be someone more successful and someone truly more down and out than we are.   I choose to care, not complain.  I care for those around me and what their desires are.  I care for my team of women and want to see them succeed.  I care for my customers and want to help them, not just take their money.  I won't compare myself to those who achieved what I did not.  I will observe, I will learn and I will try new things - but I won't compare.  (I have to keep writing that one, because I fall into the compare trap a lot!) I will keep my vision and goals firmly in front of me and not compare my goals to the goals of others.  

This passage from one of the devotional books that I read helped me break out of the melancholy:

Each of my children is a unique blend of temperament, giftedness and life experiences. Something that is a baby step for you may be a giant step for another person, and vice versa. Only I know the difficulty or ease of each segment of your journey. Beware of trying to impress others by acting as if your giant steps are only baby ones. Do not judge others who hesitate, in trembling fear, before an act that would be easy for you. If each of My children would seek to please Me above all else, fear of  others' judgments would vanish, as would attempts to impress others. Focus your attention on the path just ahead of you and on the One who never leaves your side. ~ Sarah Young "Jesus Calling".

I'm going forward!