When is the last time you played?

Last year at a women's retreat that I was speaking at we did something a little different.  I have been meeting with these women, off and on, for over 20 years.  We try to have an annual retreat that includes relaxing, Bible study, more relaxing, sharing, cooking, eating etc.  I totally took them by surprise one day when I said "Today we are simply going to PLAY!"   In looking around that room of 50-60 year old women, several said "we play, a lot". I wasn't talking about playing with the grandkids, which of course is play and is important, but real play simply for the fun of it.

The highlight of our day was a mystery trip to go bowling!  Many of us hadn't bowled in many years. Some had gone with kids and grand kids, but on that day it was all about us. We laughed, we bowled badly, but a few got their form back and wowed the crowd. I'm sure others in that building were wondering what was up with those 10 women that went crazy if we simply got the ball down the lane and not in the gutter. We had such fun!  A couple of hours later, with some aching backs, we laughed all the way back to the retreat location. The rest of that day we played games like Catch Phrase, Celebrity, we colored, we sang and danced...... it was truly a day of play.  As you can imagine, in a group of 10 women at our age, we all had things going on in our lives.  There were children and family members battling cancer or other illness, long term medical care issues, financial worries, declining personal health, grief and more.  Did a day of play make those things go away, or lessen their presence in our lives?  No, but it also didn't kill us to laugh! By taking a bit of time to nurture that need for joy in our lives we actually were strengthening our inner self to be able to go back to all of the things we were facing.  Some of the comments after that day of play: "I haven't laughed that hard in so very long, it felt good!" "I should do this more often, I really feel better".  "Why don't we just play more often?"

I've been thinking about that day of play a lot lately.  Imagine how we could bless someone that is struggling if we invite them to just play for awhile?  It doesn't mean you don't care, or that you are making light of whatever situation is being faced, but the value in stopping for awhile and simply being frivolous is healing in its own right.  

For several years I went on 3-4 campouts a year with an all women's camping group. These outings were truly all about play.  Some were simply relaxing times away, with other women that hook up and haul a trailer (large or small) and have some fun.  Others included elaborate party themes, complete with costume dress up and parties.  Play.  When I first joined that group it was during a difficult time in life for our family, worry about our adult daughter and nothing we could really do about it.  To just take a few days away to laugh, share and have fun made those times a bit easier.  Did it make the problem go away? No. Did it mean I didn't care because I was off having fun?  Absolutely not.  But each time I returned from one of those campouts it was like the day was a bit brighter and hope was restored, at least for awhile.    I miss those campouts, and the fellowship with women.  I haven't made it a priority to attend one in a long time. The sharing of our lives and realizing that all of us battle things is a bond that is hard to break. When we play together and pray for one another the load is somehow lightened.

I've been neglecting play lately, and I think that is why it is so heavy on my mind.  Just like all of you we face financial worries (now our 19 year old furnace needs to be replaced), we have medical issues for several family members and as always we wonder what tomorrow will bring.  I hope you will join me in adding some play back into your life.  Not just playing with the 'littles' in your family, though that is great and important, but play for you.  Do it for yourself and you just might be surprised at how good it feels.

Accountability

Sometimes it is scary to be real with people, making yourself vulnerable, especially when hitting one little button and sending your thoughts out to cyberspace is so easy - but here goes!  In 2008-2009 I lost over 65 lbs through the Weight Watchers program.  I then went on to lead meetings for about 5 years, sharing information and encouraging others in their wellness journey.  When I stopped leading those meetings almost 2 years ago I felt strong enough in my behaviors to maintain my weight loss and health.  I did quite well for the first year, gaining about 5 lbs and staying level.  The last 6 months or so, not so much!  I have now gained back 25 of those 65 lbs that I lost.  I could write down all the excuses that I'm sure all of you have used "I'm too busy to exercise", "I don't like the foods I need to eat to keep the weight off", "I am older now and I just can't lose weight anymore".  Here is a news flash for you - those are all just excuses.  I ate pretty much whatever I wanted those nearly 7 years I was at my goal weight, truly - everything I wanted.     *accountability*

For 5 days last week I lived in a hotel room and sat for  8 hrs a day in a classroom as I attended a training for the new job that I will start on Nov. 1.  One evening, toward the end of the week as I sat on the bed eating another fast food meal, I took a look at the old me starting to emerge.  The puffy, bloated, unhappy, sluggish me.  I didn't like it one bit!  The insecurities, poor self esteem and depression that I had battled for so many years were creeping back in. I decided right then not to be that person again, there was no way I was going back.  *accountability*

When I got home I also started looking at other areas of my life.  I know that as I begin a new job I will have to go back to being organized in a totally different manner.  I have worked from home almost exclusively for nearly 2 years.  I could set my own schedule, decide on how I wanted to organize my time and pretty much answered only to myself.  As a team leader in a direct sales company I run that business in a very orderly fashion.  I pride myself on excellent customer care, I communicate with my team and I reap the rewards by taking care of that business.  Where I had recently fallen down was reaching up to my sponsor for my own mentoring and self care.  I know what to do to take care of my team, but who was taking care of me?    *accountability*

Since the new job that I will be starting runs primarily on a volunteer force (mentors, teachers, food providers and more) we were discussing how we ask people to help and where do we find volunteers.  One of the trainers, who has been in this ministry and leading an established center for many years, made a comment that stuck with me - "when I am looking for volunteers I ask busy people!"  The more I thought about that and relating it to my past jobs and experience that is so true.  The key is to not answer for people but to let them answer, we simply ask the question.  So I have mulled that over in my mind in other areas as well:

1. When I lost all of the weight back in 2008-09 I was working full time, I was involved in a job that included after hours duties and I was active in other small groups.  I managed to exercise every day, I ate well, I played hard and met my goals.

2. When I first started with my direct sales business I was still working for Weight Watchers, I was very busy with the schedule and activities that I was involved in.  I had a larger team, more team sales, yet since I was in control I managed to be efficient and organized in order to accomplish everything that needed to be done without being overwhelmed.

3.  The last 18 months I have worked exclusively from home.  I spent this past summer still working my business and also caring for my granddaughters every day while they were out of school/daycare.  I failed to exercise, I made poor food and time choices, and I didn't accomplish many things that I wanted to do.

You know what all of those things bring to mind for me?  ACCOUNTABILITY!

Accountability: (Webster's 1828 Dictionary) The state of being liable to answer for one's conduct; liability to give account, and to receive reward or punishment for actions.

The main reason I went to work for Weight Watchers after my weight loss was because I knew I needed the accountability in my life to keep the weight off.  I had been overweight for over 20 years, and once I got the weight off I knew I needed it.  To know that I had to step on the scale each month and maintain it within a healthy range was always in the back of my mind. Like I said, I ate whatever I wanted but moderation was the key. I also learned through my weight loss journey that keeping track, in writing, of all that I eat and how I exercise are essentials for me.  How could I stand up and lead people if I wasn't actually doing the behaviors I was supposed to help them put in place?  

As I started the Direct Sales business I approached it the same way - I am very much a go-getter and self starter.  I figured out how to succeed and I did it.  I also relied on those that are successful in the business to get ideas from, to learn from and to model their success. 

All of this came together in an 'ah ha' moment for me in that hotel room as I took another bite of a meal that probably wasn't the best choice.  I had failed to be accountable. The results of my own choices were being played out in many areas of my life - from my health, my work practices and even more, my spirituality.  I had let the accountability aspect slip away and as such I fell into the trap of making excuses.  "I know what I'm eating, I don't need to track it or measure it anymore", "I can't lose weight, it's too hot to exercise", "My business isn't going as well because THEY aren't doing their work", "I feel disconnected from God, I guess He just isn't listening to me anymore".  

This has been quite an exciting few days for me and just being accountable has changed everything about my life - in my mood, my time management and my health. First thing when I got home I got my activity tracker charged, put it on and I started walking again. With a new app on my phone my food and exercise tracking and maintenance is easier than ever.  I made a connection with my former Weight Watcher buddy (who lost over 100 lbs and has managed to keep it all off) and we are now back in contact with the constant struggle that weight management can be, and we are encouraging each other once again.  I reached out to my direct sales sponsor, and I LISTENED to her evaluation of things I might try in relation to how I am currently doing things. I already feel recharged and excited about the business that I love and sharing it with others.   I put in place a prayer team to support me, and be accountable to, as I start this new ministry job.  In all areas of my life I need accountability in order to be the best me I can be.  No more time for excuses! For the things that are important we all have the same 24 hrs each day.  It is up to us to decide how to spend them. By having trusted people that I am accountable to, not just 'yes' people, but those that will hold me to the things I set out to accomplish I'm more apt to be functioning at my best and in turn life is better.  I have reestablished those partnerships,  in various areas of my life, that will challenge me, cheer me on and call me out when I seem to be slipping. Who do you have to be that for you?  As a certified life coach I know the value in being coached. The hardest part sometimes is for the coach to be coached!    I'm really good at complaining, but with careful consideration I have to admit that a lot of what I complain about has been my own doing.  Don't be that person.

Here are some links to things that I have mentioned:
My fitness tracker!

My new job journey!

My business - check it out!

Calling

What comes to your mind when you hear the word 'calling'?  I'm not talking about calling someone on the phone, but a calling on your life.  For most I have asked it is tied to ministry of some sort, or a religious call.  Perhaps today I will get you thinking a bit deeper about calling.

I am constantly looking at my life, as I near 60 years of age, and what I have accomplished. I tend to be somewhat pessimistic, so often my thoughts and reflections go to all of the things that I haven't accomplished.  I have had an emptiness for some time now and keep asking God "what is it, what am I missing?"  I have been down many paths and several times was certain that God was calling me to those jobs, activities or places.  As I contemplate that I'm more convinced than ever that He was, there was a purpose for everything I have done and experienced.  I also am realizing that there are seasons for everything and we travel through those seasons.  Things end, they change and they morph into something else entirely.  The calling that I had when we moved to this town over 10 years ago, for me to take a job, and uproot our entire way of life was so certain and obvious. When that job ended I experienced deep grief.  I was certain that I would work at that job until I retired, have a sappy party and that would be it.  Do I still think I was called to that job? Yes.  Did it play out like I imagined?  Not even close!

I love learning, and I will never stop reading, studying and trying new things.  As long as I'm breathing I plan to be learning new things every day.  When I look back at some of the things I've done I have my husband (or others) question me sometimes.  "Why did you take that Life Coaching certification, that was a lot of money that you aren't doing anything with?" "Why did you bother getting that  Christian Administration degree at age 47, you sell a beauty product!?"  Believe me, I ask myself the same questions much more often than others ask!    I also have things in my past that I was certain were callings and I ignored or turned from them. I can't go back and change those, but I can learn from those decisions.

This last week I  attended an intensive training program and certification for yet another path that I am about to journey down.  I wasn't seeking this out, it came to me in a rather unusual manner, but as I have said 'yes' to traveling this new path it is becoming very evident that all I have done to this point have been leading me to this place.  Will I still sell Jamberry nail and hand care products?  Yes, at least for now.  I love the income that enables us to pay bills, but my favorite part of the business is mentoring those on my team - it 'calls' me. Sitting in one of the classes last week where we were discussing this very topic  the trainer made a statement that has been rattling around in my head ever since I heard it "if the thing you are considering is something that you absolutely know you must do, at all cost, it may be a calling".  There have been jobs I have loved, but would I have considered staying with it at all cost?    One definition of calling is this: Divine summons, invitation or vocation.  

It may be so powerful that you can't ignore it.  It may be a gentle whisper that you need to get quiet enough to hear it clearly.  The question is the same - do you answer or not?  

Another question the trainer posed that has really had me thinking - do you retire from a calling?  Think about that one for a minute.  For me, the call is becoming something I must do, no matter the cost, and there is no retiring from that.  These questions just cause me to have more questions - does a calling change?  What if you think more than one thing is calling you?  What do you consider in answering? Who will your answer impact besides yourself?  Will your answer alter things in a negative way for others in your life?  It is really a calling or a desire?  

Look at that definition of calling again - a divine summons, invitation or vocation. 

Now look at desire: An emotion or excitement of the mind, directed at the attainment or possession or an object from which pleasure, sensual, intellectual or spiritual, is expected; a passion excited by the love of an object, or uneasiness at the want of it, and directed to its attainment or possession.

When you have a calling you have an urging within you that you must do it, no matter what-without hurting others in the process.  No matter what others do in response, no matter if you see an expected result, you must do it because it is a divine call.  Desire?  It can be just as powerful, but that desire is directed at achieving a goal and possessing it.  

Are you being called or do you simply desire to do the thing or have the job or complete the task YOU want?

Have I given you something to think about?  It sure is weighing on me!!

Doing the hard stuff

I had a really hard "grammy" moment yesterday.  On my daily run to pick up my 7 year old granddaughter from school and take her to swim team practice she was unusually quiet for the second day in a row.  On Monday she was already out of the pool  and dressed when I picked her up. Then  on Tuesday she told her mom she had a sore throat so she skipped practice.  She was acting fine otherwise and it is so out of character,  for her not to chat about her day, that I knew something was up.  With a little prodding and questioning I learned that Monday at swim practice her friend made fun of her name.  Instead of Chloe Campbell, she called her "Chloe Camel".  She was so embarrassed and devastated that she didn't want to go back to swim. She LOVES swimming and is very good at it (her friend also told her she wasn't a good swimmer).  So in between huge crocodile tears and lots of talking we went to the wellness center, and I talked to the coach, but she still didn't want to go in. My grammy heart was about to give in, but when talking to her mom on the phone she said "Mom, don't let her quit - she is not a quitter and we need to teach her to keep going!"  (Wise words, usually I'm the one saying things to my daughter.....hmmmmm, maybe she has been listening!)  

The other kids were all in the pool by this time, one of the student coaches was trying to talk to Chloe and tell her "we are going to work on dives today, and practicing from the starting blocks - you have been waiting for that!"  She would have none of it.  I helped her change into her suit, and she sat in a chair sobbing, begging me "Grammy, please don't leave me here, I don't want to go in the pool with her, she makes fun of me!"  Coach came over, and very kindly told her "no crying, it will all be ok - let's go swim".  That was about when I walked out, after telling her this "Chloe, if she says something just say "My name is Chloe Campbell, not camel - and besides I LIKE camels!"  I also told her that other little girl probably had forgotten all about it and she wouldn't even know why Chloe hadn't been there.  The hardest thing I have done in a long time was walk out of that building with the sound of my precious granddaughter  sobbing and BEGGING me not to leave her there!

Fast forward a couple of hours - I get a voice message on my phone and I hear her excited voice: "GRAMMY - I did what you said, we all talked and I told her just what you said, I told her my real name and that I liked camels!  I swam really good today and everything is good. Grammy, thank you so much for helping me - I love you".

My take away: Talk it out, even when it is HARD!  Hopefully that precious girl learned that confronting what is bothering us, and talking about it is so much better than avoidance and letting it fester.  She had spent 2 days, worried and sad over words that were said to her. Hopefully she also learned how what we say to others can really damage feelings.  I will continue to remind her  of that valuable lesson and I will also work really hard to practice what I preach!