Nothing or everything new?

If you look at media (social or otherwise) it would seem the world is coming to an end. All of the fighting, anger, division. "Never seen anything like it" - right? Nope - been around since the beginning of time. It is all the human condition, we just have it spewed in our faces and updated second by second on the devices that are now attached to us like superglue. It all can be overwhelming and downright depressing. 

Yesterday I was reading, on social media, an account of little known facts about the Woodstock festival in 1969.  Nearly half a million people gathered in a field and what chaos there was! It was a time of great social upheaval in our nation and world, and though most were aware of it, because we didn't have a running news feed instantly accessible most people went on with their lives until the evening news, had an hour of so of "oh no, what will we do!?" despair then they went on with their lives.

Like many of you, I am never far from my electronic devices. I do read and take in what is happening, but I also am fully aware that a great majority of the reports are distorted, slanted, written to incite anger or simply fake. What I do more than ever these last few days is make myself focus on the good. I started my day today reflecting, and here is some of what came to mind from my 60 years on this earth:

*I grew up in a small town, with a comfortable home and good friends. I didn't have all of the newest things. I had more than some, and less than others. I aspired to great things - but I was never quite good enough to make the tennis team, I wasn't the best scholar and I had big dreams that never quite came true.  I just kept dreaming.

*I wanted to go to college - instead while my closest friends all set off to live in dorms or apartments I attended a trade school, and was soon working full time. Not too long after that I had my own place, paid my own bills and learned to really stretch every dollar I made.  I had great friends, I worked hard and played hard too. I still dreamed of bigger things and never gave up.

*I watched friends go to Hawaii on college grad trips or honeymoons, I saw them buy new cars and start families, I dreamed of where I might travel someday, but mostly continued working and always trying ways to achieve success and help others. While my friends were on fancy trips and had college degrees (and debt) I lived in the most beautiful place I had ever been. Alaska - paid for by the government as I served in the Air Force. I drove a beat up rusted out car, I mainly wore fatigues and still worked hard, played hard and started college. I had BIG dreams and loved life. There was always someone to help and good to be done.

I could go on and on ~ life hasn't been how I imagined when I was a young woman. Yet each day I get up, I pray and I believe that I can still achieve the great things that I dream of. Some would look at me and think "she just fails over and over".  I look at it as steps to success. 

*Owned my first business at age 29, made a little money and sold it at a profit a few years later.

*Ran my own seamstress and alterations business out of my home for several years.  I helped people and was able to be home with our daughter and make a little money on the side.

*Always had a 'side gig' with a direct sales company, my extra spending money.

*Completed my college degree at age 47.

*Established my own LLC (which is still in place) at age 57.

*Published a small book at age 59 that allowed me to express feelings I had kept inside for most of my life.

*Ran a successful business for 3 years - until I discovered a better opportunity that fit my personal viewpoint better.  Closed that business and opened another.

*Work at a ministry position that helps women in ways that gives them hope and skills to discover their own success.

*Own a business that is everything I believe in: opportunity for young entrepreneurs or retirees that want a little extra freedom, and everything in between. Bringing hope and success in ways that people have only dreamed of.  

My list could be pages long of what many would view as failed attempts at success or pipe dreams. I prefer to look at all that I have done and learned as steps leading to a full life that is blessed no matter how hard and ugly it may look to others. Our world is in chaos, but it has always been so - we just have a microscopic view in front of us at all times right now. I choose to look at the beauty around me, the people just like me that are enjoying each day, striving for good and helping others along the way. My bills are sometimes too big, I often give more than I take, but I am blessed - I have dreams and I will never stop working to achieve them.

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 1:19 NIV

I'm ready to help you go after your dreams.

It Is What It Is

Writing is how I process things. I will never be an acclaimed author or a highly sought after speaker, so I just use my journals and this blog as a way to get things out. Over 7 months ago, as people were pondering their resolutions for 2017, I was prayerfully considering my word of the year.  After much deliberation I settled on surrender. That word has plagued me all year! I researched definitions, I wondered how it would apply to my life situations and as often the case when I really lay things before God, it has challenged me.

Yesterday was one of those days, when I was down and out, disappointed and discouraged. Work wasn't going as planned, free time was non existent and all of my frustrations, hurts, and disappointments in myself came out and rolled down my cheeks. As I laid awake, sleepless, I realized I wasn't surrendering, I was giving up.  There is a huge difference!  This must be a common thought process because when I did a search this morning there were many people who had written blogs about that very thing - surrender vs giving up. 

During those sleepless hours last night as I was in my 'oh woe is me' mode, a small voice started becoming louder: You are making this all about you! Maybe it wasn't such a small voice but a loud boom! So I started thinking about that and with the morning light it became more clear.  Did I do everything that I could in the situation? Yes. Did I communicate my expectations to others? Yes. Did I place responsibility (or blame) on others, when it really was my own shortfall? Yes ~ ouch.  

Reminder to me - Surrender: to yield to the power of another.  So who do I surrender to? God. Instead of making all those situations yesterday about me, I am choosing today, this moment, to make it about surrender. To look at myself going forward and doing what is in my power to succeed, to be the best 'me' I can be. Then surrender to God all the rest.  You would think at 60 years old that I would have this figured out! Yet I'm often finding myself slip back to that "you failed, you didn't perform well, you didn't_____".  Truth is that sometimes even with the best effort, the perfect performance or the best intentions we can never control what others do. We are all part of a larger picture - family members sometimes don't do what we expect, co-workers and team members sometimes don't have the same drive that we do, and often God has lessons for us in what we view as failure. 

I often read of success stories, especially those that come later in life. It reminds me that I'm here in this place, at this stage, because that is where I'm supposed to be. I learned (or relearned) a lesson yesterday - the part that is about me is to do what I can, to the best of my ability. By attaching my expectations to the acts of others just sets me up for disappointment. Going forward I simply need to be the best me and encourage others to be the best they can be. Putting my expectations onto others is not fair to either of us. It's a new day and in this moment I choose to do only what I can do and not place blame because others don't do the same, because they too may be doing their best. My best does not define others' best! And when I do the best of my ability I need to be confident in that and not put myself down. Now that feels good!

And the affirmation comes:  August 11 Jesus Always, by Sarah Young

Nudges

How many choices have you already made today? Here are just a few that I have made: what to have for breakfast, what to wear, what to take out of the freezer for dinner, how to wear my hair, what fragrance of lotion to use, which person to call first on my business list... the choices go on and on.  Many of the choices we make are just automatic, we do them without giving them a lot of thought. 

When I think back over my life so far, at 60 years old, I have made many choices. Some I regret, but even in regret I have learned valuable lessons. Others I am so thankful that I made the choice (like my current and LAST business) because though thankful of where I am I'm really sorry it took so long to find it. But even in that, I learned so much in my other work ventures that have molded me and brought me to a place that I have things to offer and knowledge that I wouldn't have had if those earlier choices hadn't been made. The biggest lesson I have learned is to always ask people. If I had been asked sooner I can imagine where I would be! The hardest thing for us to let go of is judging the condition and desires of other people. No one knows the deepest desires of my heart, or our financial condition, or our family dreams. Just like I don't know what yours are. I may have an idea, but in reality all I really know is what you show me. How many times have you put on a 'face' for public, or even for family, that is not portraying the real you? We can get very good at hiding our doubt, our frustrations and our worries. As a person of faith I pour those things out to God - often! Then I get up, start the day and always believe that things will turn around.

Over the past 20 years I have worked in so many different jobs and companies. Through each one I always believed I was helping people.  Whether it was teaching, selling a product that I thought would make their lives better or easier, coaching, or serving I worked hard and to my best ability at each one.  The driving force was also what it could do for us. Income mainly. About 7 months ago I was searching. My business at that time was floundering. Though I loved it I was burdened with the thought that I was asking people to spend money on something that perhaps was taking money away from things their family needed more. I prayed for days and the answer came in the most unexpected place, but I listened to that nudge in my heart and I responded. Things were totally shaken up for me! I changed my business path completely - after 3 very hard years of work. I asked my family to believe in me just one more time, that I could succeed at something and that things would really be better. 

I also work at a ministry job that is a true calling. It is what I have trained and prepared for over the years. My heart is in that job. Like many ministry jobs, the uncertainty of continuing pay is looming at each turn. My deepest desire? That I can be so successful at my business that I can do the ministry job as a volunteer. There are large hurdles to jump to get to that place. What keeps me going is the knowledge that the only way I can achieve my goals is to help others.

I don't have dreams of huge houses, or extravagant purchases - I simply want to live debt free, allow my almost 73 year old husband to fully retire, and be able to help even more people. I finally found the 'vehicle' to do that - so instead of seeing the front people choose to expose to me, I will continue to ask questions. I will continue to follow the nudges that led me to this place. I will continue to help. I know that there are so many of you out there that are searching just like I was. If this is your nudge- follow it!

This is your nudge - follow it!

Jeremiah 29:11 For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.  

How many more?

I have been 60 for 140 days.  When I was young I thought 60 was old.  Things like orthopedic shoes, flowery house dresses, gray hair in a bun (or teased) were what my life would be like. (No offense intended if that is what 60 is for you). Instead I feel better than I have in many years, I am excited about what lies ahead and how I can bring all of the things I've learned along on new adventures. I wear jeans and t shirts or paisley dresses, turquoise jewelry and I wear my gray hair long. Nothing like what I imagined.  

I'm very thankful that my expectations of being 'older' were all wrong. I have so much life left to live! Over the last few months I have done lots of reflecting and remembering. My Dad died at age 58 - way too young when cancer won. My Mom died at age 87 and lived active and full until debilitated by late onset Parkinson's - yet well into her 70's she was working, busy and loving life. I have had a family member and friends that were dear to me die over the last few weeks and I grieve. All of this just makes me realize that I will continue to try new things, work on new projects and share all of it with others as long as I am able.

None of us know how many days we have left. Why do we keep waiting to make a change? If you are young and reading this don't ignore that prompting to take a chance!  If you are midway through your life and wondering 'is this all there is' take a chance! If you are 60 (or older!) and like me ~ ready to keep learning, living and enjoying just do it. 

Here is the sign~don't ignore it.  

Having an entrepreneurial heart since I was a young girl always has me looking. Our lives (and social media feeds) are filled with 'get rich quick', 'this is it', 'join my team' - and I've been down those roads too. I learned from all of it. At times I'm sad that it all didn't come together until I was 60. Yet I am ready now - and that makes it much sweeter! 

I prayed this prayer for years: "Lord, show me the way you would have me go. Help me be the best me, and to help others along the way. Help me be a good steward of all that You have given to me". I worked in ministry jobs, weight loss help, service, life coaching and more. Through all of it I learned. When I was in a low spot on January 9th of this year, wondering how I could make things work and how the next phase of life would be, I took one more chance. I'm so thankful that I answered yes to a question, and that I took that chance. All that I have done has led to this. Is this YOUR sign? Have you been praying and searching? I worked long and hard to come up with my own mission statement, and this is it:

To enhance the lives of those I touch by helping them reach their goals in health, wellness and financial freedom, no matter their age.

Jobs fail, friends get ill and die, family members struggle but contrast that with new lives beginning with marriage, babies being born, friends getting well, health being improved and businesses flourishing. All of it is life. I'm not guaranteed that life will look like I imagine. So far 60 is WAY better than I thought it would be! 

http://rockinthegray.com 

I don't know how many more days, or years, I have. So I will keep asking, I will keep sharing and I will keep helping others find the answer that I found. No matter your age - it's worth it! Last month I visited with my only living aunt. She is 95 and though frail in body her mind and wit are sharp and alert. She told stories of my mom that I had never heard, we laughed, cried a little and I realized I want to still be telling stories and sharing life when I am 95 and beyond. God willing, and with the changes I've made, I will!

Here's your sign.........

Start here!

Proverbs 23:18 There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. NIV

The Imprint

Over 30 years ago, what started as a casual friendship while we watched and supported our husbands as they played golf, a deep and lasting bond was formed. Knowing Susan Nebel left an imprint on my heart that will never go away. With love and fondness I share just a few of the ways she touched my life.

From the beginning I felt like family with Susan. We ate together, shared recipes, recommended books and enjoyed time just visiting.  Susan 'shared' her beloved housekeeper/babysitter with us when we had no help in that area. When we were unable to travel to be with our family one Thanksgiving Susan included us in their loud, fun and friendly family gathering where I came to know her as "Aunt Susie". I remember the still-warm cream cheese braids that were delivered to our home on Christmas Eve or the numerous meals we ate together with our husbands and friends. 

A relationship that started at the golf course was really so much more fun in the 19th hole. Susan could hold her own with jokes and witty punch lines, which were so much better than listening to the guys recount each stroke on the course that they had just played together! No one could deliver a blonde joke like Susan😊

We ate Mexican food at Memo's, dinner on our patios and around dining room tables. We solved world problems over a glass (or bottle!) of wine and we laughed. We studied the Bible with friends in a room at a pizza parlor and we shared our deepest thoughts with each other that we knew would be held safe. We listened to each other as we agonized over choices our children made and we celebrated their successes. We sat at dove hunts together, we laughed at New Year's Eve parties playing Pictionary, and we 'blamed it on Mexico'.

Susan is the type of friend that when I moved away and didn't ever want to go back to my old town - I allowed her to help my husband pack the kitchen for the final move. Nothing bares a soul quite like allowing another woman to view your messy cabinets. Yet Susan did it with love and never paused in her willingness to help.

Over the last 11 years we have lived hours apart yet the imprint and connection were not lost. We chatted on social media and shared our lives through pictures, comments and occasional phone calls. We prayed for each other as we went through life events over the years. She taught me how to use q in the word qaid in Words With Friends, yet I could never seem to beat her. 

The last time I heard Susan's voice on the phone she was calling to say she was just too weak to attend the birthday celebration when I turned 60. We talked, cried a little and I remember the last 2 things she asked me: "Will you take lots of pictures and post them so I feel like I'm there and though they probably won't remember me will you tell your granddaughters that Aunt Susie loves them?" 

I love Susan Nebel. She probably had friends that were closer, and those who knew her better but the imprint she left on my heart is permanent. I will cherish the memories we share, I will miss her wit and I hope someday when we have neighboring mansions in heaven that she will let me win at least one game of Words with Friends. 

Where were you and where are you going?

Sometimes I just pick a number and reflect.  Today is it 23.  37 years ago I was 23 years old. I was single and had been in Alaska just a couple of months.  As I settled in to work at my first permanent duty station with the Air Force I felt like I had arrived in a dream location. I can still picture myself working long hours on the flight line but also the glorious times of camping, fishing for salmon, hiking and just general good times in the most beautiful location I had ever been.  Even though I grew up in the Sierra's of California the stunning beauty of Alaska remains my favorite place of all.

At 23 (when I look back at my diaries from that time) I imagined all of the locations I would travel to in my life.  I had dreams of how far I would go in the military and all of the places I would live. To be 23 and carefree, yet committed to something I believed in and surrounded by good friends was sometimes so unbelievable I would write about wondering why I was so blessed. I kept in contact with friends from home that were finished with college and facing mountains of student loans. Others were getting married and some had even started their families. That seemed so far from my desires and goals that I really couldn't see myself in that life.  Little did I know, at 23, that my life would be far different than what I was dreaming of.

Another thing that came to mind today - I have had 23 jobs and/or businesses that I have been involved in ~ 23!  My first paying job was at age 10 when my Dad brought a pillow case home from work that belonged to a buddy of his.  This man lived alone in a studio apartment so he sent his few clothes home with my Dad each week.  Mom would do his laundry along with ours and my job was to iron his few shirts, handkerchiefs and sheets (yes, I ironed his sheets) and neatly fold the remainder of his things.  That was my first paying job. In all my years since then I have done so many things - not because I don't stick with things, I guess because life just has taken me in such different directions and always something happens to change my course.  Beginning with that first job of ironing and looking back at all of the various things I've done, I have always been about helping people. 

Now at 60 I get reflective like this. So many things left undone and so many places that I thought I would have seen by now are still just dreams in my journals or cut out pictures on my vision board. I have far fewer years left to 'do' things yet I feel the same inside as that 23 year old with dreams of beautiful places and helping others. In 23 years I will be 83.  Some may say that is old. I choose to believe that in this next 23 years I will hold on to the passion from my 23 year old heart and keep striving for the dreams that are yet unrealized. In each day I will listen to people and hear what their dreams are and how I can help them achieve them. I think my 23rd 'job' is what I have been looking for all along and I know it is someone else's answer too. I just wonder who will be the next person I share it with?

Dare to dream with me   A dream starts when you take a chance.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.  Les Brown

Long time - still here!

Life seems to roll by, pretty quickly lately! Midway through the summer and so many things pulling at me. I'm on a mission lately to help people. I talk to so many people that are facing huge mountains: debt, illness, lack of time to enjoy life and so much more. Simple changes have helped me tackle some of these mountains. Now I'm using what I have learned, and continue to learn, to help others. 

I look at my Facebook feed and see so many posts about working from home and making lots of money.  I ran on that treadmill for a lot of years (20+). I still love the direct selling industry - but the hard truth is that very few people actually get to the top of that business model. Yes, it is possible, but not for the masses. (Sorry to be the one to tell you). 

I also love the freedom of not being tied to a 9-5 job.  I do work, we have to work to make money!  I just don't work at a conventional job, with hours set by someone else. Why do so many of us go to school for many years, build huge amounts of debt, then spend a lifetime working to maybe pay it off and maybe enjoy life along the way? I'm now 60 years old and just figuring things out, that I can work at something that really helps people, and I can enjoy my life while I do it. I hope I have many years to continue ~ since I wasted so many on various trails and trials. I guess what is really in my heart today that I needed to get out is there is a way! 

If you have looked at ways to make extra money but just can't figure it out - I can help.
If you are tired - and just want to do something you love, that helps people - I can help.
If you have more bills than income - I can help.
If you are just looking to make your home, life and environment healthier - I can help.
If you love your job, have everything you need/want, have all the time you want to do things you love then I bet you know someone who doesn't - I can help them!

This is what you have prayed for!   I don't state that lightly.  I prayed for a way to improve our life and for mine to have purpose.  If you have prayed that same prayer, I want to share.

Having this 'job' allows me to also work for a non-profit agency that really helps people too. Without my business I would be stuck on the treadmill of going no where. 

The vision that God gives us is not some unattainable castle in the sky, but a vision of what God wants you to be down here. Allow the Potter to put you on His wheel and whirl you around as He desires. Then as sure as God is God and you are you, you will turn out as an exact likeness of the vision. But don't lose heart in the process. If you have ever had a vision from God, you may try as you will to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never allow it.  Oswald Chambers

Young and just getting started?  Middle aged and weary? Older (like me) and still dreaming.... it matters not what stage you are, what matters is that you say yes to the vision.