Lent - What does it mean for me?

 It seems like I just finished writing the Christmas posts, and now we are on Ash Wednesday. "Isn't that only for Catholics?" "What is the deal with giving something up?" "I don't do all of that legalistic stuff." I have heard the comments and thoughts on Ash Wednesday and lent for years

Here is my take on things. Lent is a remembrance and marking of the 40 days Jesus spent fasting in the desert, enduring temptation from Satan. This year it is observed from February 22 to April, ending on Holy Saturday. One article stated, "Lent is a solemn reminder of human mortality and the need for reconciliation with God". 

There have been times when I have 'given up' things during lent. Making a sacrifice of some pleasure to focus on the need for God to increase in my life. There are many opinions on why we give up the things we do. If the intent is just to give something up for 40 days, then return to that behavior or habit, why do it? The intent of lent is prayer and penitence, an intention of dying to sin and living for God. My daily desire is to have less of me and more of God. 

The last weeks since I posted have been filled with turmoil. Family problems that at times seemed insurmountable.  Friends going through grief and pain that I just wanted to help relieve. My studies have been on hold for weeks, but I simply couldn't focus on extensive reading and writing during this tumultuous time. I need lent. I need a breath of fresh life from God. I want to sit with Jesus and learn how he resists Satan. But sitting in the wilderness is hard, I'm ready for that too.

Jesus was actually led to the desert by the Holy Spirit. Matthew 4:1-2 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted there by the devil. For forty days and forty nights he fasted and became very hungry. NLT

Satan went to Jesus, and Jesus responded to each challenge by quoting Scripture. Each time Satan tempted him with great things, Jesus simply responded "the Word of God says". To prepare for the ministry Jesus had been born to do, he needed to resist temptation and rely on God, his (and our) Father. Read Matthew 4:3-11 for the whole picture of the temptation of Jesus.

That is what I want this season of lent. To turn to God, through Scripture, for guidance. To lean on God for strength to endure whatever comes next. Our world is in chaos. At the same time, there are revivals and moves of the Spirit happening in miraculous ways. I want to hear the Spirit and go wherever He leads me, as difficult as it may be. 

Whatever your lenten journey is, if you have one, I pray it is a time of listening. Let the Spirit guide you and speak to you. I will write periodically over the next 40 days, as the Spirit leads!

Prayer: Spirit lead me. Help me hear your voice and turn to the Word for guidance. Help me release forever those things that draw me away from You. Take me down to my vulnerable self, to feel the need for only You. Help me follow Jesus'  example of how to resist.  In his name I pray. Amen.

12 Days of Christmas - Keep Pondering!

Here we are to January 6. Many names for this day: Epiphany, Three Kings Day, Theophany, Baptism of Jesus, Little Christmas, and more. We could spend weeks exploring the history of this day.

For me, it is the end of this Christmas season. I have pondered so much, and I pray I caused you to stretch your mind a bit. At the beginning of this season, I posted a picture of a new knit project I was working on. It was a Twelve Days of Knitmas Mystery Knit-a-long.  The last clue was released today. I mostly stayed up with the project, completing each section as the daily clues were revealed.  I am just a bit behind, but I expect to finish it this evening or tomorrow. Mystery knit projects are fun if you don't mind not knowing the outcome! I did know that the finished item would be a cowl, and I had guidelines on the types of yarn to choose from.  I made mine completely from stash yarn, so it is truly a sampler of colors.  Probably not a designer's choice, but bits and bobs of leftover yarns bring me joy. I remember the original items that were made, and my finished cowl will coordinate with some of those sweaters.

These twelve days since Christmas have given me a chance to catch my breath and reflect on the last few months' events and pause before jumping fully into the new year. Epiphany and the remembrance of the visit from the wise men are our jumping-off points for Jesus coming into our lives.  Another definition of epiphany is an intuitive grasp of reality through something (such as an event) usually simple and striking. An illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure. 

As you go forward into 2023, may it be filled with discoveries and a new desire to form a deeper relationship with Jesus. Just like with my knitmas project, each day is a mystery waiting to unfold. Every element of every day is a piece of your puzzle. Some may be more enjoyable than others, and some may not seem to fit at all. Embrace the mystery.

Thank you for journeying along with my musings this Advent and Christmastide. I plan to dig in and write again for Lent. As always, I write for myself but I enjoy sharing.

Challenge: Today, reflect on when you first met Jesus. How did it feel? How did it change you? Keep pondering and seeking, keep asking questions, and try new things. Pause today to give God a 'gift' - to thank Him for all He is. The greatest gift is your heart.

Prayer: Thank you, Lord, for the ways you bless me. Help me keep seeking the mysteries found in a life with You. Please accept the gift of my love and faithful heart. May I never forget that You are the greatest gift I have ever received.  In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

Mystery knit project, I still need to finish three sections and block. 

12 Days of Christmas - Ponder UNIQUE

I learned something new today! I was pondering the word unique, and when I looked it up in my Webster's 1828 dictionary it wasn't listed. I turned to the internet and discovered that unique dates back to the 17th century but wasn't used much until the end of the 18th century when it was acquired from the French.

Unique: being the only one of its kind, unlike anything else.

When I looked up synonyms these words popped up: eccentric, erratic, odd, outlandish, peculiar, quaint, singular, and strange.  All of these words mean 'departing from what is ordinary, usual, or to be expected'; unique implies singularity and the fact of being without a known parallel. Merriam-Webster.com.  Some of those synonyms seem particularly negative to me. I would much rather be called unique than peculiar. 😊

All of us are unique in one way or another. Though we may try to conform or fit into a norm, each of us is a 'one of a kind' with our thoughts and being. I have a piece of artwork in my den that I love. I bought it at a small gift shop so many years ago that I don't even remember where or when. It has been displayed, since acquiring it, in a place where I see it daily. 

The wording: I've always liked the time before dawn because there's no one around to remind me who I'm supposed to be. So it's easier to remember who I am. 

Before Dawn  2001 (I can't read the artist's signature).

I find it easier to 'be me' in my older age. It took a long time to get here! Sometimes I still fall into the comparison trap, or I feel like I must dress or act as others expect me to. This morning I continue to think about Mary. Did she struggle with who she was? Did she sit in the early morning and ask God, "Why me?" Did she ponder the task she was given as the mother of Jesus and feel inadequate? 

One of my favorite passages is Psalm 139:13-14 You made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it. NLT

Just like Mary, each of us has a purpose ordained for us by God. He created each of us to be a unique 'one-of-a-kind' person with gifts and talents that are solely ours. Most of us have stored away our Christmas decorations for another year. We are down to the last few days of this Christmas season. The visit from those wise men will be acknowledged, but that, too, will be packed away in our memory as we journey through 2023. I'm sure Mary questioned what God saw in her to choose her as the mother of Jesus. I'm also sure that others questioned that as well. 

Challenge: Ponder today what makes you unique. What does God see in you that you or others may not see? Take time today to embrace who God created you to be, and show yourself to the world.

Prayer: Thank you, God, for making me just as I am. Help me to flourish in how You created me to be. Help me not to follow the world's ways but to follow You alone. May my boldness point others to You and cause them to find their identity in You. Help me to see what You have chosen for me to do, and then let me have the faith of Mary to complete it. In Jesus' name, Amen.

12 Days of Christmas - Ponder RENEW

Here we are on the third day of 2023. I have been sitting with my new word for a few days. Renew. 

Here are a few of my scribblings as I decided on this word.

Renew: to renovate, restore to a former state, or a good state after decay, to rebuild. To repair, to revive, to begin again, to transform. I then went on a word search of some of those definitions:

renovate - to make new

restore - to return to what was lost, to bring back

rebuild - to renew

revive - return to life, recover new life, recover from neglect, to raise from depression

transform - to be changed, to change the natural disposition and temper of man from a state of enmity to God and his law into the image of God, conformed to the will of God.

All of these are from the Webster's 1828 Dictionary.  My process of choosing a word is not a simple one! My heart desires all of these things. Renovation, restoration, rebuilding, reviving, and transformation. So I settled on renew.

We renew many things in life. My car registration needs renewal, but first, the inspection. This week I will have an eye appointment, and no doubt my prescription will be renewed. Favorite shows get renewed. In the past, I subscribed to magazines that needed to be renewed; each month, prescriptions needed to be renewed. This year I am looking for something deeper with renew than just the list of things I mentioned above. I desire that transformation and revival that only come from God.

When we moved here about three and a half years ago, when I attended my first ladies' Bible study session at our new church, I was challenged to memorize Scripture. I have half-heartedly done memorization, but this was the first time I jumped in and took on the challenge. As I started that process, I realized I had memorized many more verses than I thought. One of the first that came to mind was this I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11 NLT. One of the first verses I memorized in the fall of 2019 was the verse I will ponder all year regarding renew.

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 NLT.

It is a hard challenge to not follow the behavior and customs of the world. For years all I wanted was to 'fit in.' I molded myself into someone that I thought others expected me to be. Can you imagine if Mary had simply followed the behaviors and customs of her world? She instead listened to God and obeyed. She followed His plan for her, as difficult as it was. 

I have become more comfortable with being me. It is still hard sometimes; feeling like I don't fit in. I return to that verse. I want to know what God's will for me is. This year I want to dig deep into being renewed. It is not an easy task to change the way we think. 

These twelve days of Christmas have been a time to reflect and ponder the magnitude of Christmas. Whether you truly believe it or not, Jesus did, in fact, change the world. I have loved ones who question and turn away from the Christian life. God gave us minds to question. We each have to decide for ourselves which path we will follow. The path for me is clear, I will follow Jesus. Mary had to have doubts when she learned what God's path for her was. Pain, ostracism, death, and also extreme joy. God is in it all! I would much rather go through every hardship with God than have comfort without Him. I keep my eyes on eternity rather than the temporary pleasure of this world.

Renewal takes effort and sometimes hard work. 2023 will be a year of that for me. As we ponder through just a few more days of Christmas, may you search deep for what God is saying to you this year.

Challenge: Where do you need renewal in your life? Take time today to examine yourself. Are you more comfortable conforming to the ways of the world, or are you ready to follow God? Do something today that will bring renewal!

Prayer: Lord, help me to change my thinking. Banish the thoughts that drag me down and cause me to be stuck. Put new thoughts and ideas in my mind that are pleasing to You. Transform me in a lasting way. Renovate my life, repair the damaged parts, and rebuild my spirit. Renew a right spirit within me. Thank you, Jesus, for being my guide. Amen.

12 Days of Christmas - Ponder WORDS

Today is the last day of PONDER as my 'word of focus for the year'.  Though I will continue to ponder things through these days of Christmas, I have a new word of focus starting tomorrow. I have loved words for as long as I can remember. I enjoyed playing Scrabble as a child. I fondly remember sitting with friends in church and playing Hangman on the church bulletin. Crossword puzzles, Words with Friends, WordStacks, Wordscapes, and now a daily favorite - Wordle.

Words can annoy me too. Repeated words in speaking (uh, you know). I tend to start counting how often someone will say that word and miss what they are talking about. My husband will use an absolute send-me-over-the-edge word to get a reaction out of me: irregardless.  Just typing that non-word causes my computer to try to correct it. An especially painful memory regarding words is from the fifth grade. I participated in a spelling bee and made it to the finals. The word I was assigned was unnecessary. I spelled it with one s. I don't think I have ever misspelled that word again! 

I'm sure you have all heard the story of the mother teaching her daughter about words as the girl was about to enter middle school. The mother used an example of toothpaste all squeezed out of the tube. The quote from the toothpaste lesson is this: "You are going to have the opportunity to use your words to hurt, demean, slander, and wound others. You will also have the opportunity to use your words to heal, encourage, inspire and love others. You will occasionally make the wrong choice; I can think of three times this week I have used my own words carelessly and caused harm. Just like with this toothpaste, once the words leave your mouth, you can't take them back." 

Getting that paste back in the tube once it is expelled is nearly impossible. So it is with negative words spoken in haste. By simply pausing briefly before speaking, so much damage can be avoided. I have spoken too quickly many times, wishing I could take words back or change them.  The pain and hurt are so difficult to undo when I allow my emotions to take over and follow the impulse to lash out with words. I also hold onto harsh words spoken to me, ruminating on them and letting them fester. Words hold such power. Often when others are using harsh or damaging words against me, the first reaction is to respond in kind. Again, pausing before speaking can make all the difference.

I have spent this week pondering words. Words play a prominent part in my life as I work through my Master's coursework. So much reading and writing! I wanted to choose a word of focus that would stretch, encourage, and cause me to think. Different apps and programs are floating around to help one choose a word of the year. I have used those in the past, but they are easily manipulated. Usually, the end result is to try and get us to buy a product, whether a devotional book, a piece of jewelry, or a knickknack with the word displayed. My process involves a pen, paper, Bible, favorite dictionary, and quiet time. I sit and let words flow into my brain. I start writing down my thoughts as they come, often in scribbling or doodling. When I have a word that seems to keep surfacing, I write it down and then do a dictionary search. I will go deep into definitions and see how they intertwine. I then start searching Scripture for verses that support the words I'm considering. Some years there will be one verse that is a focus along with my word.  Some years, many verses go along with the word. I note them, and as the year progresses, I am amazed at how my word of focus weaves its way into my life in numerous ways. I had rarely thought of the word ponder until I chose it this year. Now I hear it and come across it in the most unexpected ways. Words have a way of settling deep within us.

Mary pondered things in her heart. Words were spoken over her. I'm sure she held on to these words "You will conceive and give birth to a son; you will name him Jesus." Words that would change her life and ours.  How she must have agonized over these words as Jesus died "Dear woman, here is your son," And he said to his disciple, "Here is your mother"...... words.

Challenge: As we finish out 2022, ponder your words. Do you use them to build up, encourage and appreciate others? Be very aware of your words in all that you do. Make an effort today to share a word of hope with someone you meet. Written words are especially meaningful. To hold a note in my hand and know that someone took the time to write to me is a great treasure. Write some words today!

Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God, through Christ, has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:29-32 NLT.

My word for 2023 is RENEW. We will ponder that tomorrow 💖

12 Days of Christmas - Ponder WHO DO YOU LISTEN TO?

I talk to myself. How often have you heard people say, "Talking to yourself is okay; if you start answering, that might be a problem!" Lately, I find myself listening too much to negative talk in my head. There is so much to be grateful for, yet my words to myself turn to negativity and doubt. I took my teen granddaughter for a "Grammy time" weekend a few months ago, just the two of us. I like to come up with surprise activities, but as the granddaughters get older, finding things to do together that they will enjoy is harder. I love to go to the painting studios where you are guided in a group to all work on the same painting. It isn't fine artwork; it is simply fun! Even though everyone in the room works on the same model, each person adds unique touches to their paintings. 

My granddaughter was going through some difficult situations at the time. More than the typical teen angst, she had real trauma and difficulties to work through. A weekend away with Grammy, staying in a hotel, and stepping away from the 'real world' for a couple of days was fun and refreshing. When we arrived at the painting studio, she seemed excited. The design I had chosen was all about affirmation. There were suggested words on the model we were working from, but every person in the room chose their own words to add to their finished painting.  Some of us made the hair as the model painting, and some (like me) made the hair how we wished our hair looked! My painting hangs in my little den, directly across from the chair where I am sitting now.  I look at it every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I repeat those words to myself when I feel lost, sad, or simply questioning my purpose.

I wonder if my granddaughter looks at her painting and ponders the words she added. I remember she chose  "strong, independent, enough, worthy, loved, pretty." All things she struggles to believe. 

Mary was going about her life, and an angel told her that the Holy Spirit would come upon her and she would give birth to the Son of God. I can't imagine the self-talk going on in Mary's head! In these days of Christmas, as we ponder the child Jesus and how his very existence will influence the world, I wonder how Mary went about her days? As she took care of a child's basic needs, did she sit and question why she was chosen? Did she feel unworthy, scared, or blessed? Did her friends still talk about her, thinking she had completely lost her mind in believing her child was special? 

All of us have numerous competing voices speaking to us. Mary listened to God. Even when the task seemed impossible, she followed His direction. Often I wish God would be clear with me and lay out the task He has for me as He did for Mary. There was no question for her and no hesitation to obey. It is easy to listen to the world and all the information we have at our fingertips (literally). We carry computers around in our hands! The voices of the world become so loud at times that I can't hear God. In the quiet of each morning, I look at that painting when I first sit down in my chair. I remind myself that I am enough. I am saved, blessed, loved, and valued. I am me. 

Who do you listen to?

Challenge: Take time today to sit quietly and listen. Ponder what and who you are allowing to influence you. Is your self-talk positive and encouraging, or is it destructive and negative? What would God say to you?

Mary listened:

"Oh, how my soul praises the Lord. How my spirit rejoices in God my Savior! For he took notice of a lowly servant girl, and from now on all generations will call me blessed. For the Mighty One is holy, and he has done great things for me. Luke 1:46-49 NLT

Prayer: Lord, help me listen for Your voice. Help me battle the doubt, fear, and negativity that creep into my thoughts. Give me the faith of Mary to listen and obey Your voice. Help me see myself as You see me - enough. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

12 Days of Christmas - Ponder DISRUPTIONS

The morning of Christmas Eve, I was standing in my kitchen, preparing things for holiday meals. Suddenly, I heard a rushing 'woosh,' and water was pouring out of the wall and over the floor within seconds. I had never heard a pipe burst before, and I am so thankful we were home! I quickly turned the water off at the curb and called our son-in-law. They were coming to our home later that day, and since he is a journeyman plumber, we were fortunate to have water back on and the pipe capped without too much disruption to our day. Granted, I now have holes in the wall and further pipework that will need to be done, but that is a discussion for a later day!

Since the Christmas festivities ended, the last few days have been a series of disruptions. The unusually cold weather (for Texas) is beginning to normalize. Like us, many people had to deal with water or electricity issues amid the 'most wonderful time of the year.' Our family also had two more hospital visits yesterday (everyone is okay, just some worrisome and ongoing health issues). Driving home last night, I noticed the disrupted lanes on the highway leading to our home. There is a large, ongoing road construction project that causes huge disruptions in traffic flow. We were recently told this construction may (and probably will) last until December of 2023. 

How do you handle disruptions? I had my week all neatly planned out in my calendar. A time each day to study and write. Gradually putting various decorations away and cleaning our home just a bit at a time, so all of the glitz and lights aren't gone all at once. The normal things like laundry and grocery shopping. With one quick phone call, disruptions completely changed my routine. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I traditionally spend the week between Christmas and New Year's Day praying and deciding my word of focus for the new year.  With all of these recent disruptions, I still need to start on that process. I looked back on my notes from choosing the word ponder for 2022, and it certainly has been a year of pondering!  Ponder: to weigh in the mind; to consider and compare the circumstances or consequences of an event, or the importance of the reasons for or against a decision. To review with deliberation; to examine.  The Scripture verse I chose to go along with is this: How amazing are the deeds of the Lord! All who delight in Him should ponder them. Psalm 111:2.

I don't know that all of the events of 2022 have been pondered thoroughly. I still examine them and wonder what God's plan is in all these events of the year. I faithfully believe that God has a plan. I just wish I knew what it was!

There have been no disruptions so far on this day. I remember a favorite phrase from special retreat events: "don't anticipate." I am reminding myself to not worry or fret about what MIGHT happen. Disruptions will continue. Even though most times disruptions are out of our control, our response to them is completely in our control.

Mary and Joseph had many disruptions. Here is a big one! After the wise men were gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream. "Get up! Flee to Egypt with the child and his mother," the angel said. "Stay there until I tell you to return, because Herod is going to search for the child to kill him".  Now that is a disruption! That is usually how they come, at a moment's notice, when action must be taken, just like the broken pipe. Most disruptions require immediate action. But I get ahead of myself. These days of Christmas are about preparing for the wise men to visit. We should be continuing to bask in the glory of Christ's birth. If Mary and Joseph had known those men would visit to bring gifts, do you think they would be expecting that troubling dream telling them to flee? As I put away all of my treasured Christmas fineries, I want to enjoy them as much as I do unpacking them each year. To remember how I felt when my child made an ornament, to think back on putting out some of these decorations with my Mom or Dad, I want to hold on just a little longer to the joy of the season and not be dragged down by the disruptions. They will continue to come.......

Challenge: How do you handle disruptions? Consider one disruption you had during this holiday season. How did you respond? Could you have handled it differently? How did God come into your response? Keep walking with God. He will guide you through the disruptions. (If I didn't believe that, I would have given up long ago.)

The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way? Proverbs 20:24 NLT.  Place your name in that verse: "Connie, the Lord directs your steps. why are you trying to understand everything along the way?"  I don't understand the disruptions that have been plaguing my life. I'm sure you are the same. I simply keep trusting the God I love.

Prayer: Father God, guide me through the disruptions. Show me a bit of Yourself in each situation. May others see You in my responses and lean toward You as well. Help me continue to walk in Your strength no matter what comes next.  I trust You! In Jesus' name, I pray, Amen.