Every year I pick a phrase or word to focus on. I rarely share that with anyone, I just write about it in my personal journals. I have done this since i was a young girl with my first little diary. Many times, just like other New Year's resolutions, I loose focus early on and may revisit my word or phrase a few times over the next 12 months. One year I picked a word each month to focus on and I would choose a word that started with the same first letter as each current month. I remember one word vividly - it was in April of 2007 and my word was angst. I was experiencing a lot of angst in my life at that time, but I also would let that spill over into my prayer time. I would pause and reflect on others around me that were suffering angst and pray for them - thus taking the focus off of my own problems.
In 2015 my mantra has been simplify and declutter. If you glance back through some of my blog posts from last spring you can read about part of that journey. It all started in a search for 'something' and needing to simplify in order to hopefully find it. I have been on a spiritual journey, a cleansing of sorts - and unlike many other things I have actually been carrying on through the year. Some of the closets that I purged are still in good order (long way to go!). Over the last few days I had even considered just keeping the simplify as my focus for another year, to continue on. I will be doing that, but my thoughts are shifting just a bit more.
My word for 2016 is ENOUGH.
I am who I am. I have fought that for so long and part of my journey has been trying to be someone else. Thinking that I had to fit into a mold that was expected of me. I have made some good progress over the last 2 years in discovering me - but there is more to be done. By constantly reminding myself that I am enough perhaps the demons of envy, doubt, frustration and sadness can be kept somewhat at bay. I had also been considering the word balance. After careful consideration I settled on enough. Balance is similar - finding balance in life between all things that pull at me. As soon as enough came to mind it was clear - that is the word! Not too much, not too little - enough.
Enough time with family - enough time alone - enough to meet needs - enough to give. When you think about it, by being in balance, there is enough! The biggest challenge, at least for me, is letting myself determine what is and isn't enough, not the world. To not be swayed by others. I will look to God and find my direction in Him - to be the person He created me to be and believe that I am enough. The spiritual part is actually pretty easy for me, it is the every day living part that gets hard.
When choosing a word for the year I also look at synonyms - some of the ones for enough are : abundant, adequate, ample, full, sufficient, and suitable. There are some negative ones as well: fed up, last straw etc. "I've had enough!" I ponder all of these things when I choose a word of the year (WOTY). It was because I had had too much of some things that I started on the simplicity journey. Too many clothes, too many knick-knacks, too many cookbooks, too much debt......the list goes on! I envisioned my daughter having to go through all of my things and saying "why in the world did she save THIS!?" I realized that many things I have been placing value on really don't matter to anyone else. This doesn't mean that I will live in a stark and barren home with nothing around me, it simply means I'll examine my 'why' and settle on what is enough - for me.
All through Advent, and now Christmastide, I have been asking myself and others the question "Why Jesus"? I'm still asking myself "why isn't God enough?" Along with my WOTY I will ponder this passage 2 Corinthians 12. Paul was a working man! After his conversion, when he quit killing Christians and instead was Christ's most loyal witness and follower he wrote often about his experiences with God. Paul was given a 'thorn in his flesh' and though much has been speculated through the centuries as to what that actually was, he wrote these words about his affliction:
2 Corinthians 12:6-10 If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling the truth. But I won't do it, because I don't want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message, even though I have received such wonderful messages from God. So to keep me from boasting and becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That's why I take pleasure in my weakness, and in the insults, hardships, persecution and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I want Jesus to 'be enough'. Only I can make him so. What is enough for me, may not be for you. All I know is that I must work on ME. My WOTY is not just a catchy little thing to talk about, as I rarely do - it is something that I ponder and quietly write about yet hopefully prompt changes in myself that God would approve of. Rather than resolutions that I rarely keep, or grand plans to make big changes that fail and then cause me to plunge into depression again - focusing on enough seems like a good path to take!
Decluttering is what got me started - finding my purpose is what is keeping me going. What will your 'word of the year' be?
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