Three years ago my husband did weeks of back breaking work, all for me. You see - we have a large backyard and living in the country on well water we don't irrigate our 'lawn' (native grass and weed patch). Our vision was to put in well planned square foot gardening beds that we could plant with vegetables, herbs and some wildflowers for the hummers and butterflies. We researched and he dug deep into the hard ground in carefully planned plots. He lined the edges as per the guidebook and he then filled a 12" wide trench around each bed, equally deep, with crushed granite to deter the devil plant - Bermuda grass. I researched even more- filling each bed with the perfect soil mix, I even sent samples off for testing to determine the perfect nutrients for the variety of plants that would grow in each bed. For one season the beds looked fabulous, at least at the beginning. He put in 10 of these beds.
Being the wise garden planners that we are, we failed to take into account that we live on a hill. Though infrequent, when gully washer rains come our backyard looks like a river as the water runs through our yard from the properties above. We all know that #&*! runs downhill (along with weeds of unknown origin).
In that first year we battled grasshoppers, fire ants, weeds, bugs and more, along with the extreme heat that arrives seemingly overnight. We have friends that have super productive gardens but we seem to be cursed in that regard. We had maybe one small harvest of squash, tomatoes and peppers did pretty well, but for the huge amount of work that we put into the beds, the return was meager.
Fast forward to today. We both work, me at home and Waylon outside the home. We care for our granddaughters full time this summer during the day, and honestly - we have no energy to keep up these beds, much less make them look fabulous. Our budget doesn't allow for yard help, so we made the not so hard decision to take the majority of the beds out. Again, Waylon is doing hard physical labor, after he comes home from his day job (yes, still working at nearly 72). At least we don't have to pay a gym membership!
Would I like to still have that pretty vegetable bed that is in that first picture? Of course, but life goes in different directions than planned. 3 years ago our lives were different and we had a little more time and desire to work in the yard. Now the wide open space of weeds that can be cut with the riding mower is much more appealing. We will leave a couple of the beds in- the wildflowers that don't need much care and my asparagus bed that is just now becoming productive. Letting go of dreams is hard. As I walked this backyard early this morning, with the push mower maneuvering around the garden beds, I thought about my many dreams that I still hold on to: that perfect and bountiful garden, a home in the mountains where the temperature never goes above 70, a successful career that people don't think is a scheme or 'shady deal', or a picture perfect family that doesn't battle through hurts and disappointments.
There is one more thing in our yard that gives me hope. Two years ago I planted several blackberry canes. They never grew, they didn't even seem to live. This year, in early spring, I noticed among the winter weeds the berry cane of one plant poking up through the ground. I nurtured it, Waylon put a cage around it and even though he is taking out the beds around it the lone berry plant stands. It has already provided a couple of bowls of luscious fruit. The little girls love to go out and see if there are any ready to pick. More shoots continue to spring up around the base. Life goes on.
Today it seems like my dreams will never come true. But just like that berry cane that I thought was long dead, I have seeds of my dreams still deep in my heart. I may water them with tears and keep feeding them by believing in a God of miracles but the main thing is they are still there. Letting go is hard - but maybe, just maybe something better is coming.
Psalm 37:3-4 Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires. NLT
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