I need a re-wind!

I sat in worship yesterday and prayed fervently for a grace-filled week, kind words to come from my mouth and to be a loving and guiding "Grammy" to my sweet grand daughters.  My day has been everything but that!  I have found my temper to be short, my words to not be loving and every nerve and emotion are stretched to their limits.  It's as if when my reactions and mood gets out of control their behaviors just escalate and get worse.  

Who are you when stress and difficult situations rise up?  Today is one of those days when I am constantly reminded that children are for young people!  The day to day care, (and it's only half way through the summer) seems to have drained every last ounce of patience that I don't have much of anyway.  The methods of discipline  that are usually effective and in place, and the chores, activities and fun times that we usually have are all mysteriously out of place today.  Bad behavior breeds more bad behavior.  I am the adult and I found myself acting as childish as they do.  But they are 4 and 7 - I should know better!

As I separated myself from the girls for a bit, still wanting to continue on in childish conversation with them and not being a good example I had a nagging thought continue to come to the front of my mind.  How God must be so very disappointed in me and my behavior today!  Just as I am frustrated and angry that two little girls aren't minding, being mean to each other and just down right cranky - I can see God looking at me in the same way.  Again, I know better! I'm supposed to be showing them grace and kindness and being a role model, not lowering myself to their tantrums.  God made me in His image, but I'm certainly not modeling that today.

I picked up one of my devotional books and it fell open to the reading for June 4 - just what I needed to hear today:

Welcome challenging times as opportunities to trust Me.  You have Me beside you and My Spirit within you, so no set of circumstances is too much for you to  handle. When the path before you is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring your strength against those challenges.  That calculation is certain to riddle you with anxiety. Without Me, you wouldn't make it past the first hurdle!  The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay in close communication with Me.  Let your thoughts and spoken words be richly flavored with trust and thankfulness.  Regardless of the day's problems, I can keep you in perfect Peace as you stay close to Me.   Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

About 30 minutes to go and the house will be quiet until tomorrow morning.  I will once again have a chance to start fresh and hopefully be walking more closely with God and being a better role model.  I have this painting hanging in a special place.  I found it when I was on one of my camping trips and it has become a favorite of mine.

If I could just stay in that time before dawn, being me.  No one to interact with, no one but God.  No one expecting me to be a certain way.  It would be easy to stay in that time.  But God didn't promise easy.  He wants me to rely on Him.  If I had done more of that today, instead of my own failed emotions and giving in to selfish behaviors maybe it would be evident who God created me to be - His.  Thankfully I get a rewind, each moment is.a fresh chance.    I want to be that "me" instead of the one that was here today.  I know that is what He wants too.

Psalm 42:11  Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart sad? I will put my hope in God!  I will praise him again - my Savior and my God.  NLT