A year ago, in the season of Easter, I was in one of the biggest struggles of my life. Probably the deepest depression I had ever experienced, battling through envy, anger, jealousy and feelings of inadequacy in areas of life that most people didn't know about. I battled feelings and moods that bruised relationships and caused me to then go deeper into depression ~ yet I (for the most part) kept it in. One of my self treatments was the pursuit of simplicity and de-cluttering in our home life, along with continuing the spiritual practices that I started last year during lent. I wrote about many of those early steps in this blog over the last year, and I still love to follow Courtney Carver's blog "Be More With Less". Though I doubt I will ever be a true minimalist, I do now blend many of those techniques and practices that she writes about into our life. The areas that I started with like closets, cabinets and spaces around our home that were 'decluttered' mostly remain that way, and it feels good! We also eat simpler and healthier, which hopefully will give us more years to achieve our goals. There is still a LONG way to go!!-
I know I won't be a true minimalist (at least I don't think I will!) because I still hold onto many treasured items, even though I know my child probably has no interest in them in the future. There will be some things she will have to make the decision on what to do with, but there are far fewer of them than there were.
I wanted to share a bit of why I am still choosing simplicity. I turned 59 a few weeks ago. I am in really good general health, I feel good and for the most part, am very active. I work at a job that most people don't understand, a direct sales company. After years of education and a long time to achieve a degree, I'm not directly working in an area most people would think goes along with all of that. A lot of people think of direct sales as those people that scream "come - make lots of money fast with me, reach your dreams" kind of people. It can certainly be that, but not for me. I am in for the long haul, and am using my education in a more subtle way. My life coaching certification and teaching are used with my team. I am slowly building a group of women around me that are like-minded and want to provide for their families, not in a 'get rich quick' sort of way, but in a steady, solid, debt free manner. We sell a trendy beauty product - which for some may seem to go against my desire to go simple. I have refined my clothing choices to what I really like and fewer items. I get to express my style in a simple, inexpensive product that doesn't break the bank. We continue to get rid of things in our home that we don't need, allowing us to enjoy the things that we do. That is just part of the simplicity process.
I watch my 71 year old husband continue to go to work every day, after retiring from a great career 10 years ago, because frankly - we need the money to maintain all of the things we acquired over the years, most of which is now outdated and worn. Life happens - economies crash, family members have problems, and homes need upkeep. I do what I do to help him. We love our home and our 3 rough wooded acres. Even though we don't have a finely manicured type of yard, or the latest and greatest decor, we have many areas that need constant care of weeding, repair and more. Our grandchildren love to come here and be in nature, play outdoors and get dirty! Most days all I see are overgrown weed beds and designated areas that we intended for lush vegetable gardens and pretty scenery. It gets harder and harder to do the necessary things like weed eating, mowing and just cleaning up the clutter of things we have accumulated over 32+ years marriage. So simplicity looks even more appealing. It gets harder and harder to do the things needed for our home after we both work at our jobs during the day. So simplicity is my personal goal. I work to rid ourselves of things! Many younger folks work hard for more stuff, and that is okay, I do so to allow us to hopefully stop. It is a hard cycle - to work really hard, often without seeing progress, in order to pay for things we don't need or want anymore so that we can enjoy less. We will get there and I already see that some days we are able to camp an extra day, or sit on the porch and watch the kids play a bit sooner. As we continue to pay things off, clear our areas of things that need upkeep and have less we are very slowly gaining more of what we desire - simplicity.
I know it seems like a total contradiction, to some, that I am constantly on this computer and 'selling' - but I do it not to buy more stuff, but to really have less stuff. To allow us to not have to mow a large yard and to not have to watch my husband labor on things he would rather not do after a day of work he shouldn't be having to do anymore. Simple looks really good, and we will achieve it. Last year it looked impossible, and today the mountain still looks really big. It is important for me to look back, because so much progress has been made in a year, and it feels good! It prods me to keep doing what I do because one day I will look up and I will be able to sit on that deck of a simple and modest mountain home, with the view I desire and the time to enjoy it. I won't have to worry that another chore needs to be done, or that I want the latest new thing - because I will have what I need and be able to enjoy it. We all do things for different reasons. I wish I had gotten off of the treadmill of envious desire, accumulation and 'things' much sooner and the heartache of difficulty in 'keeping up' would not be in my life. I wish I had accepted being who I am, discovering me like I wrote about in my book, earlier so that much of what I am struggling to overcome now would not be an issue. If we all work hard to be who we are created to be at an earlier age we maybe wouldn't have so many struggling, sad and lonely elderly. I am even more determined to choose simplicity in order to enjoy the remainder of my life the way I wish I had taken the time to enjoy in the first 58 years. I'm slowly embracing the joy that comes in wanting less.
I would like to close today with a reading from one of my favorite authors and spiritual leaders that struggled with his own issues throughout his life:
Living Faithfully in an Ambiguous World
Our hearts and minds desire clarity. We would like to have a clear picture of a situation, a clear view of how things fit together, and clear insight into our own and the world's problems. But just as in nature color and shapes mingle without clear-cut distinctions, human life doesn't offer the clarity we are looking for. The borders between love and hate, evil and good, beauty and ugliness, heroism and cowardice, care and neglect, guilt and blamelessness are mostly vague, ambiguous, and hard to discern. It is not easy to live faithfully in a world full of ambiguities. We have to learn to make wise choices without needing to be entirely sure.
Henri Nouwen - Bread for the Journey, 1997
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