It's not my fault!

If you spend any time at all around young children you will here these words "But it's not my fault!  She made me do it!"  Are we any different?  I think as we grow and mature we just get better in our delivery.  Finger pointing is as old as time, just think back to that encounter in the Garden of Eden between Adam, Eve and God.  

As we just get started on this journey of Lent part of the process is self reflection.  Looking deeply at ourselves and being honest.  I've already heard lots of words thrown around with friends "What are you giving up this year? "  "I'm adding things in (prayer, service, acts of kindness) rather than giving something up." "I'm on a quest to make things simpler, so I have more time with God".  There is nothing wrong with any of these things, but why are you doing them?  Shouldn't this be our practice and our attitude all year long if we are true followers of God?

Let's visit with Nehemiah again:

Nehemiah 1:5-7 Then I said, "O Lord, God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps his covenant of unfailing love with those who love him and obey his commands, listen to my prayer! Look down and see me praying night and day for your people Israel. I confess that we have sinned against you. Yes, even my own family and I have sinned!  We have sinned terribly by not obeying the commands, decrees, and regulations that you gave us through your servant Moses. NLT

Wow, Nehemiah started out being troubled about the state of the people of Jerusalem.  He prayed and cried out to God, but look at his words today - he is confessing, "I, me and my". As I go out to serve, give and do have I first been flat out before God asking Him to forgive me? As you boldly say to everyone around "Oh, I gave up chocolate for Lent - I'm showing obedience to God you know, He's really working on me about discipline" - then you secretly binge on the Hershey's kisses in the pantry or plan the most decadent chocolate cake for Easter dessert, are you really drawing closer to God?

This journey that I have been on for the last 6 weeks or so, after that retreat and just digging in with Nehemiah for one short 45 minute session, has been nagging at me.  The big looming mountain that I'm standing in front of and the broken places in the wall that surround it seem just too big and beyond repair  I want to cry out "It's too hard God, and really it's not MY fault so why am I having to deal with it!?"

Service, prayer and acts of kindness are excellent things that we are charged to do as followers of Christ. Giving things up - fasting, can also be a selfless act to help you draw closer to God.  First though - look at why.  As I start on this journey my first act is to hit my knees and be honest with God.  It's not like He doesn't know anyway.  I will accept my part in each circumstance.  I think all of us are familiar with the passage that we call the Lord's prayer, have you looked at the next verses beyond that?

Matthew 6:16-18 And when you fast, don't make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so that people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth that is the only reward they will ever get. But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.  NLT

One more tidbit from The Believer's Commentary: Fasting has no merit as far as salvation is concerned, neither does it give a Christian special standing with God...... when a Christian fasts secretly as a spiritual exercise, God sees and rewards....... it can aid in one's prayer life by taking away dullness and drowsiness. It is valuable in times of crisis when one wishes to discern the will of God.  And it is of value in promoting self-discipline. Fasting is a matter between an individual and God and should be done only with a desire to please Him.  It loses its value when it is imposed from outside or displayed from a wrong motive. (pg 1225).

Like Nehemiah let's first put ourselves squarely in front of God and confess.  Before we can move forward, it is crucial to accept our part in whatever it is we are wanting to conquer. My journey seems impossibly long and hard, but I know with God I can overcome it.   

Prayer and focus for today:  Lord, forgive me for turning from You.  Forgive my actions and words that may have hurt others.  Help me to see the places where I have been at fault, the choices I have made that have contributed to the very thing that I want to be freed from. Hear the deepest desires of my heart, just You and me.  Walk with me today, and guide my steps.  In Jesus' name I pray.