Just Ask

I'm one of the worst when it comes to asking questions.  In pondering that I came up with a reason (I think).  I don't like being asked questions!  I tend to hold things in and often I just want to be left alone.  Let me tell you, that is not a good thing.  Almost without exception, the way I am perceived by others is not correct.  What is taken as anger, arrogance or just plain ole' 'stuck up' is really doubt, fear, worry and sadness.  When I make myself more open to questions and am willing to answer them, the truth makes everything better.  

"No, I'm not &%^*$%## off - I'm really sad right now and just thinking things through".  

 "I'm okay, thanks for asking.  I am just having a really hard day and don't quite know what to do about it".  

"Oh no, you didn't do anything!  I just had an intense conversation with my loved one this morning, I guess I let it spill over to you.  We are good!"

Do you see?  People can perceive that we are angry, standoffish or even upset with them for some reason, and if they don't ask the question it then starts them on a path of self doubt or mood change.  If we just ask the question, often the entire path of a conversation or even relationship can change.

Let's look at how Nehemiah handles questions:

Nehemiah 2:1-6 Early the following spring, in the month of Nisan, during the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes' reign, I was serving the king his wine.  I had never before appeared sad in his presence.  So the king asked me, "Why are you looking so sad? You don't look sick to me. You must be deeply troubled."  Then I was terrified, but I replied, "Long live the king!  How can I not be sad?  For the city where my ancestors are buried is in ruins, and the gates have been destroyed by fire."  The king asked, "Well, how can I help you?"  With a prayer to God of heaven, I replied, "If it please the king, and if you are pleased with me, your servant, send me to Judah to rebuild the city where my ancestors are buried."  The king, with queen sitting beside him, asked, "How long will you be gone? When will you return?"  After I told him how long I would be gone, the king agreed to my request."  NLT

I can so identify with Nehemiah.  Months before he had prayed and fallen before God in his anguish over the situation.  It finally got the better of him and there was no denying that something was bothering him.  Those closest to him noticed.  The king was bold enough to ask "Hey, what's up?  This isn't like you, tell me what is going on?"   The guy was still working, still doing what he needed to do but the burden just got too heavy and when asked he spilled it.  When the details came out, more questions.  Imagine that Nehemiah probably had no idea what the reaction would be, he held an important position with the king.  But he answered those questions and ultimately he got what he wanted.  I tried to think of how this could have gone -  my response to others when they ask what is bothering me is usually "Oh, nothing - just doing lots of thinking today".  Then I stew and fret and finally things get so bad that I just bolt. Nehemiah didn't do that.  I wrote yesterday about listening, well today it's about asking and answering.

(if you are like me, now this song will be in your head today - you're welcome! )

The king asked Nehemiah a question and Nehemiah was bold enough to lay it out there. He held an important position, and if that was me I don't know if I could have been bold enough to say "can I just go?"  Nehemiah's actions were going to have impact on the King - he brought him his wine, he looked out for him!  Yet his request was granted.   As you go about your day, ask the questions.  Don't assume you know what is going on in the person next to you, just ask.  Don't think that you always know the answer, sometimes you will.  Often the answer is much different than we anticipate. You won't know fully unless you ask.

Prayer: Lord help me ask questions today.   Remove judgment from me, let me improve in my listening and then practice that listening after I ask questions.  And God - as people ask me questions prompt me to be open and answer fully.  Help me release the fear and anxiety of letting someone into the deepest places.  Help me to understand and be understood.  All of this, God, I JUST ASK.  In Jesus' name.